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Writing Samples
Band 8

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Many of us, if not all, want to have
children
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 at some point in our lives. Some choose to do
this
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 relatively sooner
while
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 others prefer to become parents at an older
age
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. The emotional and financial aspect of
this
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 trend takes precedence over the few drawbacks it has to offer. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, and it makes perfect sense to consider each factor beforehand.
Firstly
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, parenthood demands a certain level of maturity. If we are not mentally ready, our offspring will likely have a troubled childhood.
For example
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, it is more common among the
children
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 of alcoholics to be neglected and
then
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 indulge in drugs and alcohol. Another advantage is that financially secure individuals can better support their newborn’s expenses. Many of us start earning a higher salary around our thirties. Not only will
this
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 bear the cost of the baby’s necessities, but it will
also
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 aid in boosting a first-time parent’s self-confidence. Despite all of that, several challenges, mainly physical, arise as we grow old. For women specifically, it becomes increasingly difficult to conceive in their thirties.
This
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age
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 bracket is considerably higher for men, but it comes with its complications.
For example
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, studies prove that the levels of sex hormones decrease for both genders with increasing
age
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.
Secondly
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, rare disorders are often seen in babies of older people, as evidenced in numerous medical journals.
Due to
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this
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, it is contended that reproducing at a younger
age
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 is better as we are still in perfect health. In conclusion, having
children
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 later in life has the benefits of fulfilling the emotional and financial needs of
children
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,
in addition
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 to the boost in parents’ confidence, outweigh the potential physical disadvantages it may or may not have.

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Task Achievement
When presenting an argument or discussion, ensure to support your points with more specific examples or evidence. Referencing studies or statistics can add credibility to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures and introducing more transitional phrases to enhance readability and the flow of ideas. While your essay has a logical structure, further refinement in linking sentences and paragraphs can enhance coherence.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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