IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
professionals
, e.g. doctors and engineers, should be restricted from doing their job in the
country
 where they were trained,
while
 others believe that
professionals
 should freely choose where
country
 to
work
.
Although
 working abroad allows them to have a more well-paid job, I believe
professionals
 should
work
 in their home
country
 because they are paid by the
government
. Many
professionals
 have the motivation to
work
 abroad
due to
 the fact that many high-skilled jobs are paid higher in developed countries. Most developed countries have multinational companies that will compensate professional employees with high salaries.
For example
, a lot of Indonesian engineers are being paid very highly for working in multinational oil companies in Saudi Arabia.
However
, since many of the
professionals
 were trained with taxpayer money, I think it is their responsibility to
work
 and develop their
country
. Less-developed countries will most likely invest highly in human resources,
this
 includes
government
 funding in many professional trainings. The
government
 needs to publicly fund training because of the fact that there are not many
professionals
 in their state to build their nation.
Therefore
,
this
 effort is expected to give the return in many states to have their own
professionals
 working for them.
For instance
, the Indonesian
government
 has a scholarship called "LPDP" which pays young Indonesians to study at universities but requires them to stay in Indonesia after their study ends. In conclusion,
while
 it is good for many
professionals
 to have more well-paid jobs overseas, I believe they need to
work
 in their home
country
 to support their nation's development.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, provide a bit more depth and nuance. While you do provide specific examples, adding a counter-argument and addressing it could demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of the essay and make it easier to follow your train of thought.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point which makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
The arguments are supported with relevant examples, making your essay more persuasive. The inclusion of the LPDP scholarship program, for instance, adds a valuable real-world perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: