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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops. what are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping centers rather than smaller, more traditional shops?

#areas #malls #department #stores #decline #corner #shops #centers
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The number of small corner
shops
 nowadays has decreased
due to
 the emergence of massive shopping centres
such
 as malls and department
stores
. In
this
 essay, both positive and negative effects will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, there are lots of perks that huge shopping areas offer to communities and one of the most significant is a variety of
products
. To explain in greater detail, goods in these
shops
 come from many countries all over the world which means several of them are not available in that country.
Furthermore
, the quality of
products
 in these
stores
 is reliable and trustworthy because poor quality will bring negative impacts to their fame.
For instance
, in Thailand, there is a new enormous shopping centre so-called "Emsphere". In
this
 place, customers will find
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of restaurants serving different kinds of cuisine, namely France, Italian and Chinese.
Besides
, a lot of luxury
stores
 are opened, selling
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
products
 like bags, shoes, perfumes, etc.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
this
 matter comes with drawbacks and the crucial one is a loss of traditions. To elaborate
further
, corner
shops
 that sell local delicacies and specialities from local merchants will disappear.
Moreover
, we will lack antiquated
stores
 that provide us with
old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
show examples
 snacks and which in turn we will have nothing to reminisce about our childhood.
For example
, a corner shop that had opened since I was born and sold
old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
show examples
 snacks that were hard to find in
this
 contemporary time was demolished
due to
 an upcoming department store.
Overall
, larger shopping centres can offer both advantages and disadvantages to our society. People can shop for different kinds of
products
 coming from other countries;
however
, old
shops
 which remind us about our old traditions will gradually disappear.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear and states the topic well. However, you might want to slightly expand it to set up your arguments more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance the flow of your ideas. Although your essay is coherent, connecting sentences within and between paragraphs could make your argument clearer.
task achievement
Consider adding more detailed examples or further explanations to support your points. This will help you to illustrate your arguments more vividly and effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported by specific examples, particularly the reference to 'Emsphere' in Thailand, which adds real-world relevance to your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of large shopping centers. This shows a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • decline
  • corner shops
  • larger shopping centers
  • mall
  • department store
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • wide range
  • brands
  • convenience
  • ease of shopping
  • food options
  • entertainment options
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • modern
  • comfortable
  • shopping environment
  • parking spaces
  • one-stop shopping
  • services
  • customer service
  • locally owned businesses
  • overcrowding
  • long lines
  • impersonal
  • overwhelming
  • excessive consumerism
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • limited opportunities
  • bargaining
  • dependency
  • transportation
What to do next:
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