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Writing Samples
Band 6

some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

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Parents
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 always tend to buy a large
number
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 of
toys
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 for their
children
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be both useful and harmful for them. Since
children
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 are used to getting a lot of
toys
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 from their
parents
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,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon not only helps
children
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 enjoy their
time
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 but
also
Linking Words
 makes them more ambitious about their desires.
To begin
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 with, having a lot of
toys
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 means a large
number
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 of scenarios and activities among the
children
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.
This
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 is the best way, as
children
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 do not feel bored because they have ample
toys
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
parents
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 want to engage their
children
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 by presenting a large
number
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 of
toys
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, as in
this
Linking Words
 competitive corporate world, some
parents
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 are not able to give enough
time
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 to their
children
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.
For example
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, most of the women employed in the apparel manufacturing industry are leaving their
children
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 at home by providing
toys
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according to
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 their expectations.
As a result
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,
parents
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 not only help their
children
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 to become happy, but they are
also
Linking Words
 able to get plenty of
time
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 for themselves. Despite the tempting benefits of presenting a large
number
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 of
toys
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend may create some problems in the future among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having a huge amount of
toys
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 in childhood will damage
children
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's character. When
parents
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 buy new
toys
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 for
children
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, they will get used to having more and more of everything.
This
Linking Words
 unstoppable desire will cause a disaster in the future.
For instance
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, my niece, who had luxurious
toys
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 in her childhood, is now addicted to purchasing new clothes and shoes. It is irrefutable that by giving him unlimited options, he believes that even now he can achieve anything he wants. In a nutshell, it is obvious that presenting
toys
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 helps
children
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 entertain themselves in their spare
time
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. But if
this
Linking Words
 practice crosses the limit,
then
Linking Words
 there will be negative consequences for
children
Use synonyms
 in the future.

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task achievement
Consider focusing more on developing and expanding your ideas further. Although your essay contains solid main points, deeper exploration and explanation of these points can enhance your essay's overall impact and clarity.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical structure of your essay by ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Utilizing linking words effectively can help create a more cohesive and fluent narrative.
task achievement
Introduce a wider range of relevant examples and evidence to support your claims. Doing so will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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