IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Students should pay the full cost for their own study because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
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It is believed that
students
Use synonyms
 receive almost all the advantages that tertiary education brings about,
therefore
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, they must cover all expenses for their studies themselves. From my perspective, I completely disagree with
this
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 opinion and I think the government should do
instead
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.
Firstly
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, paying the full tuition fee is one of the reasonable ways to enhance the country. It cannot be denied that
students
Use synonyms
 get possession of academic knowledge and skills they are taught at school, but after graduation, they will become doctors, engineers, teachers, police, etc. who play important roles in society
as well as
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 contribute to motivating the country. Many nations have carried out similar policies and succeeded. The government pays in the form of interest-free or low-interest loans and
students
Use synonyms
 will return when they have jobs.
This
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 helps them not to overlook talents.
Secondly
Linking Words
, solving financial problems reduces the burdens on
students
Use synonyms
 and their families, and encourages them to study. When they no longer have pressures, they are able to focus on learning to record great achievements and benefit countries. Supporting educational expenditures
also
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 creates chances for a large number of poor
students
Use synonyms
, to create a fair education which is the foundation of social enhancement.
In particular
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, scholarships from the government or schools give excellent
students
Use synonyms
 more encouragement to continue to try their best.
To conclude
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, I suppose
students
Use synonyms
 should be supported with educational costs as much as possible
due to
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 the reasons mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Thanks to that,
students
Use synonyms
 will concentrate on learning and developing countries.
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Task Achievement
Consider expanding your examples by providing more real-world evidence or data to reinforce your arguments. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or specific programs that have been successful in supporting students financially.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and strive for variety in sentence structures to further enhance readability.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for your argument, effectively engaging the reader.
Structure
You've used paragraphs effectively to separate and emphasize your key points, aiding in the essay's overall structure and clarity.
Content
Each of your main points is well-supported by logical reasoning, demonstrating a strong grasp of the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively recapitulates your stance, providing a satisfying closure to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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