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Band 2.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #improvements
Some people believe that schools should give prizes to
students
 who get good academic results, others believe that they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 better
rewarding
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 who have improvements during studying. In my opinion,
booths
Correct your spelling
both
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
students
 deserve to get
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 at
schooling
Replace the word
school
show examples
 institutions. First of all,
students
 who show the best academic results are spending an amount of time focusing on lessons and doing all the assignments, and they
also
 have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 versatile mindset to be successful at academic studying.
Therefore
, among all the
students
, they stand out to be rewarded at school.
However
,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 will
also
 consider
to pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 attention to the
students
 who always make efforts. At every
lessons
Change to a singular noun
lesson
show examples
, they are trying to expand their knowledge, to get better
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Those are very hard-working
students
 despite having
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
difficulty
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying
such
 as
disable
Change the form of the verb
disabled
show examples
students
, etc.
Above all
, it is
also
 crucial to reward them the same as
students
 who get good academic scores. In conclusion, schooling institutions should recognize all these
students
,
observe
Correct word choice
and observe
show examples
 the improvements they make
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
 studying.
Hence
, they can measure the good
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 for their
students
.
Submitted by Linh Thùy on

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Task Response
In terms of task response, make sure to fully address the prompt by discussing both views thoroughly before presenting your own opinion. Include more developed examples and explanations to clearly illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical and clear structure within your essay. This can be achieved by using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Make effective use of linking words to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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