Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people; however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is true that other
types
of
progress
are very important for a
country
.
While
there are some reasons why
this
is the cause, I believe that it is the most important aim for a
country
to have other
types
of
progress
than economic
progress
.
On the other hand
, the
country
's governments think that economic
progress
is the standard index.
Initially
, the economic figure is easier to measure than other
types
of index.
For instance
, the
nation
's imports of products and exports of products are about economics.
In addition
, the
country
's people receive a monthly salary or annual salary from their job. The governments have most measure methods.
Secondly
, the business achieves the company's income, and the government uses it as one of the measures's index.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
, the company invests in the stock market or property market.
On the other hand
, It is sure that I believe other
types
of
progress
are important for the
nation
. It is one of the indexes that the government does not use to measure the economic
progress
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
a
nation
.
Firstly
, the children's education is important for the
nation
's future. The level of many
nation
's education will influence the economy, the
nation
's policy, and
technology
. Because Great people engender useful and help to
progress
of the
nation
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education does not lack the necessary
progress
for the
country
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
brings
progress
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
nation
both now
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
in the future.
Technology
shows the
nation
's skills and predicts future trends. At the same time, it is a
technology
that assists in the medical field and provides job opportunities.
As a result
,
progress
Add an article
the progress
show examples
of the
nation
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to include other
types
. In consultation,
while
economic
progress
is necessary for many governments, I believe that other
types
of
types
are important for a
country
.
Submitted by wayne685241 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure stronger logical structure by creating clearer links between ideas. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a clear introduction and conclusion that distinctly present your opinion and summarise your main points. This will enhance the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with more detailed support. Use specific examples or data where possible to substantiate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure that you address the prompt fully by discussing both views and giving your own opinion clearly. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strive to present ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and focus on explaining how each point supports your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Drawing on your own knowledge and experience can significantly strengthen your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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