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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The recent development of technologies
such
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 as artificial intelligence(AI) is sharp and it is often said that they will exceed human beings' abilities.
On the other hand
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, some point out the drawbacks of
this
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 advancement. In my opinion, the positive aspects outweigh the negatives because these computers can contribute to society largely
whereas
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 the negative effects can be reduced by having an awareness of them.
Firstly
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, cutting-edge technologies have a wide range of possible applications in the future
such
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 as the one in medical fields. In more detail, the research on applying machine learning, which is a type of artificial intelligence, to the diagnosis of cancers. It is especially useful in spotting malignant tumours from medical images taken from machines including MRI, CT and ultrasound by extensive data training.
Consequently
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, a greater number of patients can be diagnosed at an earlier stage and cured earlier.
However
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,
this
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 technological development may lead to misuse.
For instance
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, deep-fake videos and pictures thanks to these technologies can cause defamation of celebrities by spreading false information about them,
such
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 as committing a crime.
In addition
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, because the fake videos and the real ones are not distinguishable, it is difficult to prove their innocence. Despite
this
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 risk, its detrimental effect can be reduced by legislation to improve the restriction on misuse.
For example
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, an electronic watermark is an effective strategy to show that the data is computer-produced clearly. In conclusion, there is a way to minimise the damage caused by advanced computers
while
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 there is a broad possibility of contributing to our world
such
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 as reducing the number of cancer patients.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that the benefits are more important than the drawbacks, and we should use more of those with the development of protection laws.

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task achievement
While your essay provides a strong argument, consider adding a few more specific examples to further substantiate your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent and clear logical flow between the points discussed in each paragraph.
task achievement
You could increase the depth of your arguments by presenting a counterargument and then refuting it with solid evidence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the main arguments and your standpoint, which is excellent for setting the stage for your essay.
relevant specific examples
You have effectively used examples, particularly in the medical field, to illustrate your points about the positive implications of advanced technologies.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your opinion, leaving a strong impression on the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • artificial intelligence (AI)
  • machine learning
  • superintelligent computers
  • algorithms
  • process data
  • ethical dilemmas
  • job displacement
  • surveillance
  • cyber-attacks
  • privacy and security
  • recognize patterns
  • strategic games
  • dependence
  • individual freedoms
  • proponents
  • outperform
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