IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that money spent on space exploration is not justifiable. There are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #space #exploration
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A number of people strongly believe that the financial resources being committed towards
space
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exploration
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 are unjustifiable. Rather, they believe that these monies should be spent in more beneficial ways. In my opinion,
space
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exploration
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 has not yielded benefits that are commensurate to the billions of dollars spent towards it and as
such
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, I strongly agree that there are more beneficial ways to spend these funds.
To begin
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 with, there has been no significant human quality of life improvement that can be attributed towards
space
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exploration
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projects
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 since Lance Armstrong's landing on the moon 70 years ago, which was the world's first successful
space
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exploration
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 project. Considering that huge amounts of funds have been committed towards
this
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, the cost versus reward ratio shows a great imbalance
,
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apply
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 and
therefore
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 makes no fiscal sense.
For instance
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, the National Aeronautics and
Space
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 Administration has received over $700 billion in funding from the US government since its existence and has not innovated any new product or service beneficial to US citizens at
this
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 time. Looking at it from an objective perspective,
this
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 is a waste of precious and scarce resources that can be channelled
elsewhere
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. It will be more beneficial to citizens and the human race as a whole if these huge amounts of financial resources are committed towards
projects
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 that have a direct impact on our daily lives. Examples of
such
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projects
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 can include the research and
development
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 of treatments for terminal diseases
such
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 as cancer, the
development
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 of critical infrastructure
such
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 as roads and transportation systems,
as well as
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 the
development
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 of social welfare programs that will reach low-income earners.
Such
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projects
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 will have a direct impact on human lives and will be better appreciated rather than
space
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exploration
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.
To conclude
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, continued expenditure on
projects
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such
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 as
space
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exploration
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 that yield zero to no impact on the quality of our lives as humans is totally unjustifiable. In my opinion, monies should
instead
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 be funnelled to more beneficial
projects
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such
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 as the
development
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 of treatments for terminal diseases.
Submitted by hueybakare on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your arguments are substantiated with more specific examples and evidence. Rather than simply stating opinions, try incorporating statistics, case studies, or direct outcomes from reputable sources.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on the smoothness of transition between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to make the relationship between ideas clearer. In addition, try to maintain a balance between complex sentences and simple ones for better readability.
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