IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

To what extent do you agree or disagree that public health will improve in the future? Provide reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#health #future
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I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with the written
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
. I believe that most of the people in the world have more information about their
health
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 about how they can improve their
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 conditions. Nowadays, information about how harmful is to smoke for our bodies can be seen in many packets of cigars.
This
Linking Words
 is a clear example
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 things can change from our recent past. There is a clear trend in the diminishing of smokers and if
this
Linking Words
 continues it will have a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the alimentation
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 are changing all over the world and
this
Linking Words
 can affect people’s
health
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 can choose what to eat every day. Mostly everybody, from developed societies,
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 the importance of having a healthy diet. Advances
such
Linking Words
 as the information
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the menus of fast food restaurants will help people to
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a clever choice before they choose what to eat. Another important issue that I would like to mention is how medicine is changing. There are new
discovers
Replace the word
discoveries
show examples
 and treatments almost every week and
that is
Linking Words
 an
inequivoque
Correct your spelling
in equivoque
equivoque
sintom
Correct your spelling
symptom
 of how things are changing in order to improve the world’s
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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Task Achievement
For task achievement, try to more explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion to make your stance clearer. Also, fully addressing both sides of the argument can strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by expanding on your examples. Providing specific, detailed examples can greatly enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim to organize your essay more effectively by using a clear introductory paragraph, body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and a concise concluding paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing your essay's overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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