Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.
In the animal kingdom, there are mechanisms to control the population since overpopulation can lead to various kinds of environmental problems. But, through evolution, man has become an outcast of the natural world,
therefore
, natural processes will not control man anymore. Thus
, governments must play the main role in maintaining the community to ensure a sustainable future for mankind. Hence
, I agree with the given statement and in this
essay, I will provide reasons behind my answer.
First,
the overgrowth of the community can lead to many social issues like poverty and limited resources. For example
, in countries like China and India, the public has to face a lot of difficulties because of overpopulation. In India, some people do not have basic human rights since the government can not provide services for each and every person. There are many unsolved murder cases, road traffic accidents and assault cases since the police do not have enough resources. As a result
, those cases increase day by day because the public knows that they can hide from the law.
Secondly
, due to
poverty, the public does not have a choice about their living standards. In India, personal hygiene and food quality is very poor. In China, people choose to eat exotic foods which sometimes leads to pandemic diseases. Limiting the number of children by increasing taxes will give an answer to all these problems. Although
it is not an arguable topic, this
can be a sensible topic for some people. Hence
, when commencing it, the government should give priority to human rights.
To conclude
, though it is necessary to control the growth of the community, those policies should be based on comprehensive research and analysis since it is a sensible issue.Submitted by g.chamodi94 on
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general
Your introduction effectively presents your stance on the issue, but it requires a clearer outline of the main points you intend to discuss. Your essay could benefit from a more explicit summary of the arguments in the conclusion to better round-off the discussion.
task achievement
The essay's main points are relevant but could be more effectively supported by specific, concrete examples or statistics. Consider incorporating more detailed examples from credible sources to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of transitional phrases to clarify the relationships between your ideas and improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
It seems like your essay directly addresses the prompts but can deepen the analysis of the issue at hand. When discussing examples, dive deeper into how and why these examples support your point. Also, while you have given reasons, further analysis and exploration of consequences would enrich your argument.
general
Remember to proofread your essay for minor typographical or grammatical errors, although they do not significantly impede understanding. These can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example