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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that, in primary education, music, art and drama have equal importance as same as curriculum subjects. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it identifies hidden talent and improves cognitive skills in children. At the elementary level, it is easy to identify the undiscovered ability when they are exposed to theatre play, painting, crafting and music composition.
This
Linking Words
 helps teachers and parents nurture children’s talents, which can be a hobby in their life, or they can choose it as a career in adulthood.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada, the junior schools have music and acting as subjects. And the school showcase the success stories of many past students who chose it as a career and became well know established Musicians and Actors.
Additionally
Linking Words
, at the lower-level grades, the minds of grade-schoolers are very open to learn new skills.
This
Linking Words
 helps children to improve their concentration, problem-solving skills and logical thinking, which is essential for their future. As they grow, it
also
Linking Words
 helps them understand the complex concepts and adapt to new situations, which is really required for their career.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the US, the kids who are exposed to visual arts are intellectual and understand the emotional value very well when compared to the other students who have not undergone
this
Linking Words
 education. In conclusion, apart from maths, science, social and language
subjects’
Punctuation problem
subjects,
show examples
 students should
also
Linking Words
 learn fine arts as part of early education. Because it helps them to identify their interest and improves their logical thinking, which is essential for adulthood.

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task response
You make your view clear and give reasons. To raise the score, add one more strong point and a short plan at the start and end.
task response
Use more exact ideas. say how arts help memory, focus, or social skill. Give more detail for each point.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph talk one main idea. Start with a topic sentence and end with a small closing thought.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with easy words. use first, next, also, but, and to help the flow.
grammar
Check words that are not right. 'as same as' should be 'as other subjects' or 'as important as'.
strength
Clear view that arts are good in school.
strength
Uses real world examples from Canada and the US.
strength
Conclusion shows the stance.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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