IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that the number of suburbs population has decreased since
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to the urban areas.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon could not be separated by the convenience that the city offers.
However
Linking Words
, I do think that
this
Linking Words
 movement can cause several damages in the rural circles of life which will be discussed below. In order to obtain a higher life expectancy
such
Linking Words
 as big salaries and facilities, it is understandable why the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the cities is increasing, compared to the
countryside
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 especially those who are at their productive ages rather to seek jobs in urban areas than in their homes.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 find it convenient that the city provides broad amenities to support their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, almost 80% of employees of various companies in Jakarta are not local, meanwhile, they are coming from retarded areas across Indonesia. It is not uncommon for many youngsters to choose Jakarta as their next path after graduating from high school.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if most of the
people
Use synonyms
 who are at their productive age are working in the cities, it will negatively impact the balanced structures of the
countryside
Use synonyms
. As
people
Use synonyms
 may know the majority of life supplies
such
Linking Words
 as food or raw materials have always been taken from the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the usual age of farmers is 50 or above, it is difficult to spot a young farmer, but they are still needed.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if most of the young who are physically productive contribute to the cities,
then
Linking Words
 who will be taking over the old to balance society? In conclusion, the decreased
countryside
Use synonyms
 population trend is one of the major factors to hinder the stability of society, particularly for the worker contributors.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of what you will discuss and always conclude with a summary of your main points along with your opinion. While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, they could be better structured to summarize your argument succinctly.
Cohesion Tools
Work to create a more logical flow within and between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices properly and avoid repetition. Ideas should link smoothly.
Task Achievement
While your main ideas are relevant, they are not fully developed. Adding more detailed explanations and a wider range of supporting examples can strengthen your argument. Always directly answer the question provided and ensure your position is clear throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: