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Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
It is said that the number of suburbs population has decreased since
people
 are moving to the urban areas.
This
 phenomenon could not be separated by the convenience that the city offers.
However
, I do think that
this
 movement can cause several damages in the rural circles of life which will be discussed below. In order to obtain a higher life expectancy
such
 as big salaries and facilities, it is understandable why the amount of
people
 who live in the cities is increasing, compared to the
countryside
. Many
people
 especially those who are at their productive ages rather to seek jobs in urban areas than in their homes.
Additionally
,
people
 find it convenient that the city provides broad amenities to support their lives.
For instance
, almost 80% of employees of various companies in Jakarta are not local, meanwhile, they are coming from retarded areas across Indonesia. It is not uncommon for many youngsters to choose Jakarta as their next path after graduating from high school.
On the other hand
, if most of the
people
 who are at their productive age are working in the cities, it will negatively impact the balanced structures of the
countryside
. As
people
 may know the majority of life supplies
such
 as food or raw materials have always been taken from the
countryside
.
For example
, the usual age of farmers is 50 or above, it is difficult to spot a young farmer, but they are still needed.
Consequently
, if most of the young who are physically productive contribute to the cities,
then
 who will be taking over the old to balance society? In conclusion, the decreased
countryside
 population trend is one of the major factors to hinder the stability of society, particularly for the worker contributors.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of what you will discuss and always conclude with a summary of your main points along with your opinion. While your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, they could be better structured to summarize your argument succinctly.
Cohesion Tools
Work to create a more logical flow within and between paragraphs. Use a range of cohesive devices properly and avoid repetition. Ideas should link smoothly.
Task Achievement
While your main ideas are relevant, they are not fully developed. Adding more detailed explanations and a wider range of supporting examples can strengthen your argument. Always directly answer the question provided and ensure your position is clear throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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