IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
It is argued that governments should invest in
education
instead
 of the
arts
. I completely agree with
this
 point of view because
education
 contributes to improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
technologies and
also
 always is supported by citizens. Funding
education
 encourages
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological advancement. The
arts
take
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a crucial part in people`s cultural and social lives.
However
,
education
 stimulates scientific and technological innovation, leading to the development of new industries and increasing a country’s competitiveness on the world stage. Investments in
research
 and
education
 can have a more direct impact on technological progress than investments in the
arts
. Unlike art, which can inspire or stimulate creativity,
research
 and
education
 often directly generate innovation. The results of scientific
research
 can be used to create new technologies, improve processes and develop new industries.
In addition
, improving the quality of
education
 in a country has usually widespread public
support
. Typically, investment in
education
 has wider public
support
 as it is perceived as a more direct and immediate investment in the future,
whereas
arts
 budgets can be controversial in terms of their importance to society as a whole.
For example
, in the United States,
education
 budgets often attract greater public
support
. Investments in
education
, especially at the higher
education
 or
research
 level, tend to receive more political and public
support
 because they are considered key to innovation, economic growth and a country’s competitiveness. In conclusion, government spending should be on
education
 rather than the
arts
. For one thing, more funds
education
Change preposition
for education
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 taken, more technologies can be created, and for another, people
support
 always
such
 kinds of improvements by authorities as compared with the
arts
.
Submitted by minhhoangduc34 on

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Task Achievement
When discussing your point of view, ensure to explore the counterargument. This provides a balanced perspective and helps in achieving a higher score in task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a variety of linking words and coherence markers (e.g., furthermore, on the other hand, accordingly) to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more real-world examples to solidify your arguments. Specific examples add depth to your essay and strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph structure. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and follow them with supporting sentences that develop the idea further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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