IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

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It is argued that governments should invest in
education
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instead
Linking Words
 of the
arts
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. I completely agree with
this
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 point of view because
education
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 contributes to improving
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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technologies and
also
Linking Words
 always is supported by citizens. Funding
education
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 encourages
a
Correct article usage
apply
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technological advancement. The
arts
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take
Verb problem
play
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 a crucial part in people`s cultural and social lives.
However
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,
education
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 stimulates scientific and technological innovation, leading to the development of new industries and increasing a country’s competitiveness on the world stage. Investments in
research
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 and
education
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 can have a more direct impact on technological progress than investments in the
arts
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. Unlike art, which can inspire or stimulate creativity,
research
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 and
education
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 often directly generate innovation. The results of scientific
research
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 can be used to create new technologies, improve processes and develop new industries.
In addition
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, improving the quality of
education
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 in a country has usually widespread public
support
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. Typically, investment in
education
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 has wider public
support
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 as it is perceived as a more direct and immediate investment in the future,
whereas
Linking Words
arts
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 budgets can be controversial in terms of their importance to society as a whole.
For example
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, in the United States,
education
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 budgets often attract greater public
support
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. Investments in
education
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, especially at the higher
education
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 or
research
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 level, tend to receive more political and public
support
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 because they are considered key to innovation, economic growth and a country’s competitiveness. In conclusion, government spending should be on
education
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 rather than the
arts
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. For one thing, more funds
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education
Change preposition
for education
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 taken, more technologies can be created, and for another, people
support
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 always
such
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 kinds of improvements by authorities as compared with the
arts
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.

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Task Achievement
When discussing your point of view, ensure to explore the counterargument. This provides a balanced perspective and helps in achieving a higher score in task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a variety of linking words and coherence markers (e.g., furthermore, on the other hand, accordingly) to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more real-world examples to solidify your arguments. Specific examples add depth to your essay and strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph structure. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and follow them with supporting sentences that develop the idea further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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