IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that the migration ratio has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased around the world, and
as a result
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, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 have invasion to cities. Some believe that living in town causes detrimental effects on
people
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's well-being. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement because it brings mental disorders and deadly
diseases
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.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with, living in big cities causes pollution by increasing the number of private vehicles and it causes some deadly issues of breathing unpolluted air
such
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 as respiratory problems, heart stroke, heart attack and lung cancer.
For example
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,
a
Change preposition
in a
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recent report released from Japan,
people
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 who live in industrial areas have more suffered and
affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
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lung
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by lung
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 cancer as compared to rural residents. Needless to say, citie's residents have more chances
to get
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of getting
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 deadly and chronic
diseases
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along
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with
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apply
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their death ratio
also
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 increased.
Furthermore
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,
mental
Add an article
a mental
the mental
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 disorder is brought
by
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about by
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 living in a big town because of poor housing facilities and
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
This
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 means
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 faces overpopulation issues, so
public
Correct article usage
the public
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suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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 from unemployment
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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,
consequently
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, they can suffer mental illnesses namely stress and depression.
For instance
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, there are plenty of mental counselling clinics
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
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 opened in metropolitan places rather than rural ones.
In other words
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, a better lifestyle in towns can not provide peace to the population
instead
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of
Correct word choice
apply
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public's
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public
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 health is being affected badly. In conclusion, living in a metropolitan location brings more
diseases
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 like mental disorders and deadly
diseases
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 because of overpopulation, unemployment, poor housing facilities and pollution.
Therefore
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, I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in industrial areas can be affected detrimentally.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on the clarity and flow of your essay. Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details. Use transitional phrases to smoothly link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for concise, precise language.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt, presenting a clear opinion and thoroughly developing your ideas. Expand on your arguments with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. Be careful not to veer off topic, and make sure every paragraph contributes to your overall argument. Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion in a compelling way.
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