Some people think living in a big city is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that the migration ratio has
been
increased around the world, and Unnecessary verb
apply
as a result
, numerous people
have invasion to cities. Some believe that living in town causes detrimental effects on people
's well-being. I strongly agree with this
statement because it brings mental disorders and deadly diseases
. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To commence with, living in big cities causes pollution by increasing the number of private vehicles and it causes some deadly issues of breathing unpolluted air such
as respiratory problems, heart stroke, heart attack and lung cancer. For example
, a
recent report released from Japan, Change preposition
in a
people
who live in industrial areas have more suffered and affected
Add a missing verb
are affected
lung
cancer as compared to rural residents. Needless to say, citie's residents have more chances Change preposition
by lung
to get
deadly and chronic Change preposition
of getting
diseases
along
with
their death ratio Change preposition
apply
also
increased.
Furthermore
, mental
disorder is brought Add an article
a mental
the mental
by
living in a big town because of poor housing facilities and Change preposition
about by
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
the
number of Correct article usage
apply
crime
. Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
This
means city
faces overpopulation issues, so Correct article usage
the city
public
Correct article usage
the public
suffer
from unemployment Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
issue
, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
consequently
, they can suffer mental illnesses namely stress and depression. For instance
, there are plenty of mental counselling clinics have
opened in metropolitan places rather than rural ones. Correct pronoun usage
that have
In other words
, a better lifestyle in towns can not provide peace to the population instead
of
Correct word choice
apply
public's
health is being affected badly.
In conclusion, living in a metropolitan location brings more Change noun form
public
diseases
like mental disorders and deadly diseases
because of overpopulation, unemployment, poor housing facilities and pollution. Therefore
, I completely agree with this
statement because people
who are living in industrial areas can be affected detrimentally.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on the clarity and flow of your essay. Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea, followed by supporting details. Use transitional phrases to smoothly link ideas and paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for concise, precise language.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address the prompt, presenting a clear opinion and thoroughly developing your ideas. Expand on your arguments with more detailed explanations and a wider range of examples. Be careful not to veer off topic, and make sure every paragraph contributes to your overall argument. Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion in a compelling way.