Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to leam this Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Children
are the future of the ideal Nation. Therefore
, becoming a good human is necessary for society
. Hence
, many people believe that guardians have to teach their offspring how to be a
gentle Correct article usage
apply
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
while
others think that an education campus is the place to learn. I believe that school and parents
both play a crucial role in shaping children
's future.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
children
spend most of their time with their parents
. Thus
they are deeply connected with each other. As a result
, they always obey and respect their parents
. Therefore
, parents
have to take responsibility for making their children
gentle, kind and extraordinary in every aspect. For instance
, if parents
can reinforce protective and good skills and foster their children
to be great humans kinds then
it will help to enhance their abilities and improve their personal development.
Moreover
, academic institutes are places, where children
can learn discipline, qualitative skills and how to behave with others. In addition
to that, with the school and help of the teachers individuals are able to find their goals and achieve huge success in society
. Apart from that, it will also
help in the personal and professional well-being of individuals. For exemplify, in schools, children
get a competitive and comfortable environment due to
homogeneous groups. So, it gives them an opportunity to do something different and
be a good human and serve the nation with their skills and efforts.
In conclusion not only Correct word choice
apply
parents
are able to make the child as a good member of society
but also
schools play an incredible role in this
. However
, I believe that it is a collaborative approach of both schools and parents
to focus on being a good human for society
as well as
the country.Submitted by rohanshingala7781 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
General
The essay addresses both perspectives of the debate – the role of parents and the role of schools in shaping children to be good members of society. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task. However, ensure examples directly support the main topic points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay can be improved. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly, and ideas are connected clearly. For instance, consider using linking words more effectively between your examples and explaining their relevance to your main points.
General
Minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases appear throughout the essay. Proofread your work to correct these errors. Consider seeing a mentor for more practice in grammar and sentence structure.
Task Achievement
Adding more varied and specific examples could strengthen your arguments. Provide concrete instances from studies, personal experiences, or notable figures to support your claims more robustly.
General
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could provide a stronger final thought or recommendation that emphasizes the main argument.
Content
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is crucial for a well-rounded answer.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates your viewpoint, giving your essay a clear and definitive end.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have organized your essay with clear paragraphs, each dealing with distinct ideas and perspectives.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example