IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The charts below show information about consumer decision regarding mobile phone purchases in two different countries.

The charts below show information about consumer decision regarding mobile phone purchases in two different countries.
The given bar charts reveal statistics about the factors which are used by consumers when they purchase a mobile phone in two various countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, at first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
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 it is evident that both countries are responsible for almost the same indicator of friends' recommendations. With regard to
Country
Use synonyms
 A, it is observed that half of people prefer to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 at the price
while
Linking Words
 buying a phone. Friends’ recommendations are the second most popular factor with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 rate of 33%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, brand and design, preferred by a minority of purchasers, form only 7% and 10% respectively in
this
Linking Words
Country
Use synonyms
. In terms of
Country
Use synonyms
 B, it can be seen that
two-fifth
Fix the agreement mistake
two-fifths
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 of buyers care about design and stand first.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of people who consider price vital ranked
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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with
Change preposition
at
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 9%. The factor of brand is approximately twice less than that of design,
by
Change preposition
apply
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making up 19% contribution.
Finally
Linking Words
, turning to the percentage of Friend’s recommendations, it follows
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar pattern with
Country
Use synonyms
 A and is accountable for 32%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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