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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from egg to adult fish
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The diagram illustrates the transformation of a
salmon
Use synonyms
 from an egg to an adult
fish
Use synonyms
 in two different places. It is noticeable that the life cycle of a
salmon
Use synonyms
 has 8 main
stages
Use synonyms
 which are 3 main
stages
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 in the river, 2
stages
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 in the estuary, and 3
stages
Use synonyms
 in the ocean.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 first stage, a couple of
salmon
Use synonyms
fish
Use synonyms
 are spawning in the river area. Followed by
stages
Use synonyms
, the egg has a process of incubation to emergence baby
salmon
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 which is born new
salmon
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fish
Use synonyms
 in the freshwater rearing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after baby
salmon
Use synonyms
 grows, they move to estuary rearing before they migrate to rearing areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the adult
salmon
Use synonyms
fish
Use synonyms
 which has been growing and maturation in the ocean is finding a new couple for spawning. the
last
Linking Words
 stage in the ocean is the couple migrating to spawning areas passing
estuary
Correct article usage
the estuary
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 and staying in the river. After that, the production of babies’
salmon
Use synonyms
 has a cycle and is back to the first step.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, fish, stages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life cycle
  • Salmon
  • Spawn
  • Egg
  • Alevin
  • Fry
  • Parr
  • Smolt
  • Freshwater
  • Saltwater
  • Adaptation
  • Physiological changes
  • Habitat
  • Predators
  • Survival
  • Ecosystem
  • Migratory patterns
  • Reproductive cycle
  • Environmental factors
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