There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, we can find
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various genres of
music
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
it is often argued whether traditional
Use synonyms
music
Add a verb
music is
music was
show examples
more essential than international
music
Use synonyms
that has spread around the globe. In
this
Linking Words
essay, we will discuss the impact of
music
Use synonyms
on
people
Use synonyms
's lives and find out which type of
music
Use synonyms
holds greater significance. Listening to
music
Use synonyms
is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the well-known ways to cope with anxiety and boost self-confidence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, psychologists have the opportunity to treat mental disorders with the help of
music
Use synonyms
. It is believed that
people
Use synonyms
become more cheerful by turning on
music
Use synonyms
even
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
boring occasions, as it makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel more relaxed.
For instance
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
is a kind of exercise to get fit or something in that
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
, because
while
Linking Words
listening to
music
Use synonyms
you make whole your body move in rhythm, burning calories. Conventional
music
Use synonyms
plays
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
crucial role than international
music
Use synonyms
for a nation as it connects
people
Use synonyms
with history.
In addition
Linking Words
, the lyrics of the local
music
Use synonyms
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
much more information about culture.
Also
Linking Words
, it's
funnier
Correct article usage
a funnier
show examples
and easier way to learn history by listening to
music
Use synonyms
rather than reading the tones of books.
For example
Linking Words
, the song "Pedestal of Independence" allows young
people
Use synonyms
and adults to learn about how Kazakh heroes fought for the independence of the nation.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it is seen as a way to not forget our ancestors and preserve independence by giving to the next generation. In conclusion,
music
Use synonyms
is an essential part of today’s life.
Also
Linking Words
, national
music
Use synonyms
is much more important
among
Change preposition
than
show examples
other types of
music
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction that addresses the question directly. Ensure your opinion on the importance of traditional music versus international music is explicitly stated.
task achievement
Expand your discussion by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Supporting your points with specific details will strengthen your argument and enhance your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more effectively by having clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that reflect the main idea you will discuss. This will improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help your essay to flow more smoothly and enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize the main points of your essay and reiterate your position clearly. This reaffirms the coherence of your argument and ensures a strong conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: