IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The growth of online shopping will lead to the day when all offline shops will disappear. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#growth #offline #shops
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Many
people
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 think that spreading of the shopping through the
Internet
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 may affect shopping in city malls
whereas
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 others don’t believe so. I partly agree and In what follows I explain my point of view. On the
one
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hand
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, it could happen because of the fast spreading of the
internet
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. More and more
people
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 in the near future will probably have an opportunity to get the
internet
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.
Hence
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, it will make buying of the stuff from the websites easier. And I guess,
people
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 will take these opportunities.
On the other
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hand
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, spending time and socializing are still
one
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 of the important things in
people
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’s lives. Many of them prefer spending time going to some city malls talking to each other getting some rumours and so on.
For
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this
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 reason,
offline
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 shopping as a big part of our lives won’t disappear at all.
Moreover
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one
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 of the pros of
offline
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 shopping is that you can feel anything you want to buy. Interaction is
also
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 a big deal for many
people
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. Thanks to
this
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 you can choose more high-quality and comfortable stuff for yourself. It means not only the appearance of the thing is important but
also
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 the quality and nice feel. So
that is
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 why
offline
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 shopping will be alive. In conclusion on the
one
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hand
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 developing and wide spreading of the
internet
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 may reduce using
offline
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 shopping but still
on the other
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hand
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 there are
people
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 who probably would prefer shopping online for many reasons
such
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 as socializing and the possibility
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 interacting with stuff they buy
Submitted by agapitovark on

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task achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, make sure to fully develop your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. Present clear arguments for both perspectives and your own view more vividly.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, linking phrases) to connect sentences and paragraphs, making your essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion by stating your viewpoint more clearly in the introduction, and summarizing your main points more effectively in the conclusion to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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