Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In current days, society is highlighting that celebrities make more profit from their

job

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rather than politicians. In my opinion, I tend to say that

this

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condition is a truly good movement and in

this

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essay, I will elaborate my ideas.

Firstly

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, with actors or singers earning huge incomes, it is a sign that the creative industry is increasing and new

job

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opportunities are widely open.

For example

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, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, numerous people started to create videos on TikTok, which is a creative video application.

As a result

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, many influencers were born at that time, mainly saying they earned more than 50 million rupiah income per month, plus popularity.

Moreover

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, they decided to continue their activity as a career. Because by just posting a video, they can make money.

Secondly

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, if the folks of a country have a huge income, it will be good for the country itself. It will reduce poverty, and be useful to advance the Gross Domestic Product (GDP).

In addition

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, the development of celebrities, singers,

as well as

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influencers can inspire a lot of people to have the same

job

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as them in order to get a high salary.

For instance

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, a 14-year-old girl from the countryside of Indonesia started her singing career by making cover videos on YouTube, she said she was inspired by Niki Zefanya, who began her international career in the United States by uploading videos on YouTube.

To sum up

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, celebrities getting high income especially if they can get higher pay than politicians is

such

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a great development. The impacts are wide, for the community,

this

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can create new

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opportunities, and inspire others,

as well as

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for the nation itself, it can reduce poor conditions among people.

QiaSun Feb 25 2024

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Task Achievement

You should work on presenting a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, clearly stating your position on whether the phenomenon is positive or negative.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to have smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'Nevertheless' to link ideas more effectively.

Task Achievement

Consider expanding your discussion further by addressing counterarguments. This could involve acknowledging potential negatives before reaffirming your position, which would enhance the depth of analysis in your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be careful with generalisations ('in current days, society is highlighting...'). Consider providing specific sources or examples to ground your statements in reality.

Coherence and Cohesion

Pay attention to varying your sentence structure to add interest and complexity to your writing. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
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Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorsements
revenue streams
global presence
diversified branding
income sources
free-market principles
market value
government budgets
public funds
public perception
value generation
bureaucratic
consumer spending
economic implications

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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that employee should be hire with interviews. Other says that other types of method are better. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that universities should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give more practical training throughout their courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this aﬀects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?