Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
In current days, society is highlighting that celebrities make more profit from their
job
rather than politicians. In my opinion, I tend to say that this
condition is a truly good movement and in this
essay, I will elaborate my ideas.
Firstly
, with actors or singers earning huge incomes, it is a sign that the creative industry is increasing and new job
opportunities are widely open. For example
, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, numerous people started to create videos on TikTok, which is a creative video application. As a result
, many influencers were born at that time, mainly saying they earned more than 50 million rupiah income per month, plus popularity. Moreover
, they decided to continue their activity as a career. Because by just posting a video, they can make money.
Secondly
, if the folks of a country have a huge income, it will be good for the country itself. It will reduce poverty, and be useful to advance the Gross Domestic Product (GDP). In addition
, the development of celebrities, singers, as well as
influencers can inspire a lot of people to have the same job
as them in order to get a high salary. For instance
, a 14-year-old girl from the countryside of Indonesia started her singing career by making cover videos on YouTube, she said she was inspired by Niki Zefanya, who began her international career in the United States by uploading videos on YouTube.
To sum up
, celebrities getting high income especially if they can get higher pay than politicians is such
a great development. The impacts are wide, for the community, this
can create new job
opportunities, and inspire others, as well as
for the nation itself, it can reduce poor conditions among people.Submitted by Qia on
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Task Achievement
You should work on presenting a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, clearly stating your position on whether the phenomenon is positive or negative.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to have smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'Nevertheless' to link ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding your discussion further by addressing counterarguments. This could involve acknowledging potential negatives before reaffirming your position, which would enhance the depth of analysis in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with generalisations ('in current days, society is highlighting...'). Consider providing specific sources or examples to ground your statements in reality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to varying your sentence structure to add interest and complexity to your writing. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
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