Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#celebrities #money #politicians #development

In current days, society is highlighting that celebrities make more profit from their

job

rather than politicians. In my opinion, I tend to say that

this

condition is a truly good movement and in

this

essay, I will elaborate my ideas.

Firstly

, with actors or singers earning huge incomes, it is a sign that the creative industry is increasing and new

job

opportunities are widely open.

For example

, during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, numerous people started to create videos on TikTok, which is a creative video application.

As a result

, many influencers were born at that time, mainly saying they earned more than 50 million rupiah income per month, plus popularity.

Moreover

, they decided to continue their activity as a career. Because by just posting a video, they can make money.

Secondly

, if the folks of a country have a huge income, it will be good for the country itself. It will reduce poverty, and be useful to advance the Gross Domestic Product (GDP).

In addition

, the development of celebrities, singers,

as well as

influencers can inspire a lot of people to have the same

job

as them in order to get a high salary.

For instance

, a 14-year-old girl from the countryside of Indonesia started her singing career by making cover videos on YouTube, she said she was inspired by Niki Zefanya, who began her international career in the United States by uploading videos on YouTube.

To sum up

, celebrities getting high income especially if they can get higher pay than politicians is

such

a great development. The impacts are wide, for the community,

this

can create new

job

opportunities, and inspire others,

as well as

for the nation itself, it can reduce poor conditions among people.

Submitted by Qia on Sun Feb 25 2024

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Task Achievement

You should work on presenting a clearer thesis statement in the introduction, clearly stating your position on whether the phenomenon is positive or negative.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, aim to have smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices like 'Furthermore', 'Additionally', or 'Nevertheless' to link ideas more effectively.

Task Achievement

Consider expanding your discussion further by addressing counterarguments. This could involve acknowledging potential negatives before reaffirming your position, which would enhance the depth of analysis in your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be careful with generalisations ('in current days, society is highlighting...'). Consider providing specific sources or examples to ground your statements in reality.

Coherence and Cohesion

Pay attention to varying your sentence structure to add interest and complexity to your writing. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

288 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorsements
revenue streams
global presence
diversified branding
income sources
free-market principles
market value
government budgets
public funds
public perception
value generation
bureaucratic
consumer spending
economic implications

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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to globalization, many countries lose their traditions and national values. Some people think it is the responsibility of governments to protect these values. Do you agree or disagree?

despite the increased access to education, a significant number of people cannot read or write, what are the disadvantages, and what actions the should government take?