IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

While some think that art is an important subject for children too study, others think it is waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#think #art #children #study #waste #time
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Art
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 is an important subject which allows
people
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 to understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, shows the different aspects of
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
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 of human beings and supplies
a
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apply
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global insight. In neoliberal and modern societies, it is pretty hard to spend
time
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something
Change preposition
on something
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 that not directly
contributes
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contribute
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 anything to
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 professional or personal development
due to
Linking Words
 the belief
of
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that
show examples
surviving
Replace the word
survival
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 is linked to
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 success.
Therefore
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, some individuals think it is a waste of
time
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 and some individuals don'
t
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. In the first place,
art
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 might
seems
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seem
show examples
 like a waste of
time
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 because it doesn'
t
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 make
people
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 better at math,
physic
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physics
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, biology etc. In modern societies, being an artist doesn'
t
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 make
people
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 rich even sometimes
make
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makes
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 them vulnerable economically. For these reasons,
art
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 is more likely to be a leisure
time
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 activity for so many individuals. Being interested
with
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in
show examples
art
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 mustn'
t
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 go ahead more than having a
hobbie
Correct your spelling
hobby
 for those
people
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. In reality,
art
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 is one of the main components which stand a community. Whether it is leisure
time
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 activity or
full
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full-time
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time
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 activity,
art
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 teaches
people
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 how they understand the World, how to criticise themselves and
other
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others
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ones
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apply
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and how to create solutions to deal with problems.
Art
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 has been
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 as a criticism mechanism for centuries and
in
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as
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 usual nothing has been as efficient as
art
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 to stimulate
people
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 to build a better community.
Art
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 has been building charming communities and in developed
communities
Add a comma
communities,
show examples
 the importance of
art
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 has been increasing day by day. In conclusion, even though
art
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is tend
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tends
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 to
seems
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seem
show examples
 like a waste of
time
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 it is essential for
create
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creating
show examples
 modern societies.
This
Linking Words
 is easily understood by the developed and modern communities. For all these reasons, to
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 able to create a better
World
Fix capitalization
world
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 for everyone
art
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 and children who want to study
art
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 must support without any doubt.
Submitted by vincase36 on

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task achievement
Develop a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. For example, after presenting both views, explicitly state your position on the matter to provide a roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Expand your paragraphs with more specific examples and data to support your claims. This could include referencing studies, historical trends, or specific schools of thought in art and education.
coherence cohesion
Improve your essay's structure by introducing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help readers understand the main idea you're going to discuss right away.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next by using transition words and phrases effectively. This improves the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Address the counter-argument more effectively by dedicating a separate paragraph to it, discussing its reasoning, and then refuting it based on evidence or logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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