IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

While some think that art is an important subject for children too study, others think it is waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#think #art #children #study #waste #time
Art
 is an important subject which allows
people
 to understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, shows the different aspects of
nature
Correct article usage
the nature
show examples
 of human beings and supplies
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global insight. In neoliberal and modern societies, it is pretty hard to spend
time
something
Change preposition
on something
show examples
 that not directly
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 anything to
people
Change noun form
people's
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 professional or personal development
due to
 the belief
of
Change preposition
that
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surviving
Replace the word
survival
show examples
 is linked to
people
Change noun form
people's
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 success.
Therefore
, some individuals think it is a waste of
time
 and some individuals don'
t
. In the first place,
art
 might
seems
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seem
show examples
 like a waste of
time
 because it doesn'
t
 make
people
 better at math,
physic
Fix the agreement mistake
physics
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, biology etc. In modern societies, being an artist doesn'
t
 make
people
 rich even sometimes
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them vulnerable economically. For these reasons,
art
 is more likely to be a leisure
time
 activity for so many individuals. Being interested
with
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in
show examples
art
 mustn'
t
 go ahead more than having a
hobbie
Correct your spelling
hobby
 for those
people
. In reality,
art
 is one of the main components which stand a community. Whether it is leisure
time
 activity or
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 activity,
art
 teaches
people
 how they understand the World, how to criticise themselves and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
ones
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apply
show examples
and how to create solutions to deal with problems.
Art
 has been
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 as a criticism mechanism for centuries and
in
Change preposition
as
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 usual nothing has been as efficient as
art
 to stimulate
people
 to build a better community.
Art
 has been building charming communities and in developed
communities
Add a comma
communities,
show examples
 the importance of
art
 has been increasing day by day. In conclusion, even though
art
is tend
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tends
show examples
 to
seems
Change the verb
seem
show examples
 like a waste of
time
 it is essential for
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
 modern societies.
This
 is easily understood by the developed and modern communities. For all these reasons, to
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 able to create a better
World
Fix capitalization
world
show examples
 for everyone
art
 and children who want to study
art
 must support without any doubt.
Submitted by vincase36 on

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task achievement
Develop a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. For example, after presenting both views, explicitly state your position on the matter to provide a roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Expand your paragraphs with more specific examples and data to support your claims. This could include referencing studies, historical trends, or specific schools of thought in art and education.
coherence cohesion
Improve your essay's structure by introducing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This will help readers understand the main idea you're going to discuss right away.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next by using transition words and phrases effectively. This improves the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Address the counter-argument more effectively by dedicating a separate paragraph to it, discussing its reasoning, and then refuting it based on evidence or logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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