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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#books #men #women #burnaby #library #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the amount of
books
Use synonyms
 read by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 at Burnaby
public library
Correct your spelling
Public Library
show examples
 between 2011 and 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 reading
books
Use synonyms
 higher than
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of men
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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 are
countinuous
Correct your spelling
continuously
growth
Replace the word
growing
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. But female
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fluctuated. From
starting
Correct article usage
the starting
show examples
year
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the final
year
Use synonyms
 of information
depict
Correct subject-verb agreement
depicts
show examples
 the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 between
male
Correct article usage
a male
show examples
 reading book and
female
Correct article usage
a female
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
number
Use synonyms
 of men reading
books
Use synonyms
 in 2011 was 2500. By
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 slightly increased to 4000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2013 has significantly grew to 10,000 and
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peaked at 14,000 in 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of female reading
books
Use synonyms
 started from 5500 in 2011. In the next
year
Use synonyms
 moderately rose to 8000.
Although
Linking Words
 to the peaked at 10000 in 2013. But in the next
year
Use synonyms
 reduced to 7000 in 2014.
Submitted by kungslowjam on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, number, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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