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Writing Samples
Band 8

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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While
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 there are some drawbacks associated with the increase in the young
population
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 in some nations compared to the number of elderly
people
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, I believe that the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of raising the young
people
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 number may be limited employment possibilities. In many developing countries, the young
population
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 fail to take jobs.
For example
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, in Iran, the unemployment rate is increasingly escalating
due to
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 the lack of adequate job opportunities. Another perceived negative is that young
people
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 require more facilities to meet their expectations.
For instance
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, there should be a wide variety of fitness centres, parks, and recreational facilities.
Therefore
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, governments may be unable to provide
such
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 facilities for young
people
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.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of having a young
population
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 is that young individuals are more willing to assume greater responsibilities in the job market.
This
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 way, countries can experience economic progress and social prosperity and it is beneficial to both
people
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 and community. A
further
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 benefit is that young
people
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 are less likely to encounter health problems. It can contribute to the reduction of governments’ expenses in the health sector.
For example
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, In Iran, the government spends only 5% of its revenue on the well-being of the
population
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.
Consequently
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, there are more resources to allocate to other areas. On balance, it is true that increasing the number of young adults would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
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, in my view, its positive effects in terms of economic growth and the reduction of treatment expenses override the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryam.nutrition1988 on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion by allocating similar lengths and depth of analysis to both the advantages and disadvantages. This shows an equal consideration of both sides.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words to seamlessly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed specific examples or statistics to strengthen your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Review your essay for any repetitive phrases or ideas and find ways to express these differently. This will improve the readability and sophistication of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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