Recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions.
Lately, youngsters who commit criminalization have increased in big cities,
moreover
, the world. This
essay will discuss more about this
as well as
the two main reasons why this
could happen; careless and bad role model from their parents
. Furthermore
, solutions in the short term and long term are required to solve these problems.
Logically, the number of criminalizations has increased due to
the careless behaviour of parents
nowadays. Kids did not have any examples and advice on which one is the right
thing to do while
criminal actions are out there. This
is because the parents
have no intention to educate the children and prevent logical fallacy. For example
, when parents
prefer not to pay any attention while
their child seizes his brother's toys. This
is the beginning of a sibling's dispute and makes them interpret it as something right
to fight for.
Based on research, kids are the best imitators in the world, therefore
parents
should teach themselves first before teaching anyone because their descendant will copy their attitudes. For instance
, if the parents
love to help people, more or less, their children will follow that behaviour and plant it in their minds forever. On the contrary
, if they educate them with bad behaviour, the offspring will carry out a bad thing in the future.
Thus
, there are two solutions to this
issue. First,
for the short-term period solution, it is better to teach the offspring in school or in their house how to prevent logical fallacy in thinking such
as understanding a context, especially on which one is right
and which one is wrong based on a culture. Sometimes, right
and wrong do not always follow the regulation but it also
considers situations and traditions in an area. Second,
in the long term period, the government, specifically in the educational department and crime department, should play big responsible role in educating the youth, especially students, regarding the dangers and risks of criminalization. A possible example is that the responsible government created an interactive seminar for primary school and local kids communities and socialize on what could happen if they committed a crime.
In summary, older people should play a big role in this
issue. Although
research has shown that they are the provocators of these problems, they also
should be responsible for educating to mitigate the number of criminalizations committed by children as well as
the risk.Submitted by bram.admiral on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well and includes relevant reasons and solutions. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples to support your claims. For instance, you could mention specific parental behaviors that lead to criminal tendencies in youths.
task achievement
Be cautious with phrases like 'criminalization,' which might be better expressed as 'criminal behavior' or 'crimes.' Enhancing the precision of your vocabulary can make your argument clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve, ensure each paragraph fully focuses on a single idea without blending multiple issues together.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could benefit from clearer linking phrases to enhance the logical flow. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'Therefore,' and 'Consequently' can help guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the scene well by stating the problem and previewing the main arguments. This makes it clear what the essay will cover.
task achievement
You provide a good balance of short-term and long-term solutions, addressing the problem from multiple perspectives. This shows a thorough understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The idea of parents acting as role models and the imitation behavior of children are well-linked and logically developed points.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.