IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is better to choose friends who always have same opinions as them, other people believe it’s good to have friend who disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #friends #it’s #friend
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These days,
people
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 particularly our
friends
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 have a
lot
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 of influence on our opinions;
as a result
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, a group of
people
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 believe that it is important that our
friends
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 have the same ideas as us
while
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 others think the
friends
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 who disagree with us are the best ones. I subscribe to the second
one
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 owing to the fact that when you discuss with the population who does not your idea can help you to become better. On the
one
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 hand, when you have
friends
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 who have the same view as you, you might not be improved because you cannot see other ways of doing
one
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 thing;
however
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, these
people
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 help you to follow the things that you think are the best and get a
lot
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 of experience. To illustrate, when I used to live in Tehran I had a friend who most of the time had the same beliefs as me, so
this
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 time when we had the same opinion about
one
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 aim we did it really fast
then
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 we saw the result and got experience of it.
On the other hand
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, if your
friends
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 have difficulty thinking, you will be enhancing immediately
due to
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 the fact that your
friends
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 and you discuss everything and find the best way which is faster and has more yield;
thereafter
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, performing your best idea, which is most of the time is successful.
For instance
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, a group of
people
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 have crucial competition;
therefore
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, when they have several ideas, they can find the best way and sometimes they merge two or three of them.
To sum up
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, when a
lot
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 of the communities have a single idea helps us to do powerful work;
in contrast
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, I advise that various beliefs inasmuch as they aid us to check a
lot
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 of ways and select the best
one
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 with high efficiency which is the best choice for all
people
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 to become the best
one
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.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit greatly from more specific examples that directly support your main points. Try to include real-life scenarios or personal anecdotes that clearly illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, some sentences could be more precisely structured. Aim to make your points more directly and avoid unnecessary complexity. This will help in expressing your ideas more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Use better transition words and phrases to enhance overall flow. This will help in maintaining the reader's attention and demonstrating a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your arguments is good, but you could benefit from making explicit connections between your points. Explain how each point supports your overall argument more clearly.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction is engaging and clearly sets up the discussion of both views, which is a strong start to any essay.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion is effective in summarizing your points and reiterating your stance. It provides a clear end to your essay which helps in bringing closure to the reader.
task achievement
You have done well in presenting both views and stating your opinion, which demonstrates task completion. It's evident that you've understood the essay requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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