IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, there are many individuals who wants to self-employed. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#individuals
In Today's world ,there are more
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 that
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to be
self - employed
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
. I believe that working by yourself
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the disadvantages . In
this
 essay , I will share both merits and demerits . On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand , It is undeniable that
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who are self-employed
enjoy
Verb problem
apply
show examples
are
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
.
For example
 , there are other jobs in which
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 need to deal with
supervisors
Change noun form
supervisors'
supervisor's
show examples
 expectations and
work
 under
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their supervision , as
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
show examples
 ,
Correct article usage
a stressfull
show examples
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 environment
created
Add a missing verb
is created
show examples
 which hinders the
indvidual
Correct your spelling
individual
 performance .
However
,
people
 who
working
Change the form of the verb
work
show examples
 by themselves are
incharge
Correct your spelling
in charge
 of their own responsibilities and complete the tasks without any
stress
 .
Therefore
 ,
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 who
work
 in
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 more positive results in
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of their business
as well as
 satisfaction.
However
 , there are
also
 some demerits too . It
also
 observed that
people
 who
work
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 own are less motivated towards
Add an article
the
show examples
job.
For example
 , pupils miss deadlines for their tasks and
this
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 pressure
among
Change preposition
on
show examples
 them to complete before presenting in front of the clients ,
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the end ,
work
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 not well presented and miss the opportunity to impress the clients.
Moreover
 , self-employed
indviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 need
determination
Change the article
the determination
show examples
 to complete the goal for the business at
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 time .
People
 easily get distracted because they do not have any boss to answer so they keep on delaying the tasks unless it is not urgent. In conclusion , as above mention paragraphs clearly state
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 world
people
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to be
self - employed
Correct your spelling
self-employed
show examples
 to do their job in
stress
 free environment even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 comes with minor drawbacks .
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your task achievement, ensure you fully respond to the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages clearly, providing a reasoned opinion throughout. Try to present a more balanced view and develop your examples to be more specific and directly linked to your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on your essay's logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will help your readers follow your argument more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are crucial for framing your essay. Ensure your introduction presents the topic and your viewpoint clearly, while your conclusion summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This gives your essay a strong framework and closure.
Coherence & Cohesion
To support your main points better, use more detailed and relevant examples. These examples should clearly illustrate your point and be directly related to the topic. Adding specifics can strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Flexibility
  • Work-life balance
  • Fulfilling
  • Directly benefit
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Steady income
  • Burden
  • Expertise
  • Accounting
  • Healthcare
  • Retirement plans
  • Isolation
  • Camaraderie
  • Workplace environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: