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Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
A common belief is that, in
this
 day and age, there are too many options in life for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
This
 is the firm opinion of
this
 writer that, because of the improvement in living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
coupled with
 ancestor’s prior insights,
people
 are now more flexible about their own decision. One of the foremost reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
people
 have numerous choices contemporarily is the standard of living being enhanced. Specifically, it is the significant development of facilities which goes
along with
 technological improvement that doubtlessly led
human’s
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human
show examples
 living quality to
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 remarkably.
As a result
,
people
 are now having more options in these fields, which can contribute to their holistic development. Take the healthcare system as an example
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
people
 can decide independently on whether they have to go to
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
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 for academic treatment or
instead
, many traditional ways to
dealt
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with their health-related problems recently.
Additionally
, prior knowledge converted by
human’s
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human
show examples
ancestor
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ancestors
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 must
also
 be considered.
This
 is because, going through a long historical era, humans are capable not only
to learn
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of learning
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
to transfer
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of transferring
show examples
 it into practical horizons for their descendants
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes them
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
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for
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from
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 the rest species on the earth. Thanks to those,
people
 are currently having a wide range of choices in their life
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 suitable for them.
This
 is true for food, by looking
backward
Change the spelling
backwards
show examples
 in history, despite using
row
Correct your spelling
raw
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 meat,
people
 are now can decide to process it carefully before consuming which will alleviate the possible illnesses that can affect their current life. Considering all aspects,
people
 are now more free to choose particularly,
due to
 the enhancement in living quality
along with
 prior knowledge. More importantly, they should consider carefully
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their decision that can boost their comprehensive development in the future.
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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your introduction should clearly state your position on the topic. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by explanations or examples. The conclusion should summarise your main points and restate your position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow of ideas throughout your essay. Use cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronouns) effectively to help the reader follow your arguments. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the sentences within them are well-connected.
task achievement
Provide more specific, concrete examples to support your arguments. While you mention some examples, such as the healthcare system and food processing, further details or real-world instances could make your argument more persuasive and relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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