IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

With the rapid development of communication technology, such as smart phones, tablets, and other mobile devices. Some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #communication #technology #phones #tablets #devices #people
The 21st century has seen a high influx and reliance upon digital
communication
 technological hardware and software,
such
 as electronic mail on laptops, texting applications on smartphones, and even digital video conference tools on smart tablets. The advantages of digital
communication
 are numerous, but as
any
Change preposition
with any
show examples
 tool of man's creation, it comes with disadvantages.
This
 essay will argue in affirmation of
communication
technology
's benefits in terms of
outreach
 and immediacy, which significantly outweigh its losses.
Communication
technology
's main purpose was to spread messages and media much farther than human physical
capapbilities
Correct your spelling
capabilities
, and the past few decades have seen great development of
such
 technological tools. Cellular phones, smart tablets, and even a simple box television set
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
 great
outreach
 to
people
 across towns, countries, and even oceans.
Such
technology
 allows
communication
 of various purposes and genres to be shared with great reliance and high speeds, whether it be an educational programme, a convincing
advetisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
, a natural disaster signal, or a mere heartfelt birthday wish. Alongside the wide spread of
communication
, the immediacy of modern
communication
technology
 ensures
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 messages can be sent and received within a desired amount of time. Gone are the days of awaiting an invitational card sent by snail mail and tuning the radio at
te
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 hilltop for emergency signals. Rather, a wedding invitation can be designed and sent electronically by mail or text,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
mass text or television channel can report an incoming typhoon. The wireless mode of modern
communication
technology
 ensures wide
outreach
 and immediate reception of any message, which are massive advantages to the massive global economy of today.
However
, a major disadvantage of today's
communication
 media involves high reliance on
such
 wondrous innovations, which can transition into dependency, an overt need that leaves
people
 fumbling if they have lost connection. The few years of online-mode education during the Covid-19 pandemic is a prime example of a time
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
 high dependency on
communication
technology
, leaving behind countless students who did not have the devices or Internet connection to stay logged into learning. The fact that students and teachers were less capable of engaging in deeper connection with the inability to meet in person, losing chances at non-linguistic and physical-temporal interactions and limiting a fuller understanding of each other's words. Should the time come again
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 purely digital
communication
,
such
 a disadvantage would be amplified. Yet, the mere requirement of digital mode meant that
people
 could still engage with
people
 around the world despite being quarantined or in lockdown, which is in itself a testament to the positive factors of
communication
technology
's
outreach
 factor. The chance to learn and chat with others
while
 unable to meet in person helps
keep
Correct pronoun usage
us keep
show examples
 in touch when touch is impossible, to listen and read each other's words despite being
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 apart. The rapid
develpment
Correct your spelling
development
 of
communication
technology
 has both pros and cons, downsides to its privileges of quick message-sending
amongts
Correct your spelling
amongst
among
people
 from all continents. But especially in
this
 age, the disadvantages to
communication
 media are obstacles to navigate around rather than
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 trapped by,
imperfections
Correct word choice
and imperfections
show examples
 that can be worked around and even refined. Its advantages trump the disadvantages when it comes to efficient
communication
, ultimately making it a dire tool that can build many stable and dependable bridges.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your standpoint on the argument. This sets the foundation for a strong essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to support your points. This will add depth and specificity to your essay, enhancing its persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Transition smoothly between your ideas to maintain fluidity in your essay. Use linking words and phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', or 'As a result', to guide your reader through your argument.
task achievement
Aim for a balanced argument by addressing potential counterarguments. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic and enhances your essay's critical quality.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main point of the paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising for conciseness where possible. Avoid redundancy and ensure each sentence contributes to your overall argument. This will sharpen your essay's focus and impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: