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Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe that the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

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In many countries, some
people
 argue that it is beneficial to spend a large amount of money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities,
while
 others believe that money should be spent to improve public
transport
. I personally believe that
while
 a fast train facility helps the public to reach their
destinations
 on
time
, improving the quality of public
transport
 is more beneficial because it provides the public with comfort and care. If new railway lines can be constructed for fast train
facilities
, it will help the public to reach their desired
destinations
 on
time
.
People
, especially during peak hours can reach their
destinations
 on
time
.
For example
, Japan has the fastest metro service among all countries around the world, which allows its citizens to reach their workplaces on
time
.
However
, I personally believe that the improvement of the whole public
transport
system
 of a country is necessary because it provides
people
 with numerous other
facilities
. If the government invests in improving the existing public
transport
system
, the public will have an
overall
 good public
transport
system
 with clean, spacious and comfortable public
transport
facilities
 with the most frequent services.
For example
, since 2020, the government of Bangladesh concentrated on improving the whole public
transport
system
, which allows
people
 to have a clean, clear and the most frequent
transport
 service among the other countries.
Therefore
, I personally believe that improving the whole
transport
system
 for a clean and frequent public
transport
system
 is more beneficial. In conclusion, I personally believe that
while
 only improving new railway lines helps
people
 to reach their
destinations
 on
time
, I personally believe that improving the whole public
transport
system
 of a country is more beneficial because it provides the country with a lot of other
facilities
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
While the essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, you can deepen the analysis by discussing the long-term economic or environmental impact of investing in each option. This will make your argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to vary your sentence structure further. Although the current coherence is good, using varied structures will enhance the overall reading experience.
introduction conclusion
The introduction concisely presents both sides of the argument and clearly states the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, with each paragraph focusing on a clear point, following a coherent structure.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, enhancing the persuasive quality of the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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