Some people say that those who are selfish and does not care about others are more likely to success at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are
people
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consider
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who consider
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that who are selfish and
dont
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don't
pay attention
about
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to
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other
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others
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are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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more likely to
successs
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succeed
success
at
job
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their job
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. In my
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perspective
prespective
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prespective,
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i
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I
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disagree with that because we are social
being
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beings
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and
also
Linking Words
we need other
people
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to help us
success
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succeed
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in our
life
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. fundamentally, we are born to be social
being
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beings
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. God created
human
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humans
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have
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to have
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relation ship each other. Even
thouhgt
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though
thought
we
born
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are born
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with
deferent
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different
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personality
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personalities
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but
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apply
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still we always tend to be
need
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in need
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each
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of each
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other.
For instance
Linking Words
, we
born
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are born
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from
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to
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parents and we make a social line in our family because we connect each other
and
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apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
when we are in school we have a class with full of
member
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members
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in
ou
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our
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class. We learn and grow together.
secondly
Linking Words
, We need each other. we
does
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do
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not
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life
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live
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in our world today if we just live
with
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apply
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by
our self
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ourselves
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. When we need
people
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to help to do anything in our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. like parents need children and
child
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children
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also
Linking Words
need
parent
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parents
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. When we work , we need social work to give
positive
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a positive
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side to improve our job. We need friends to
sharing
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share
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our
life
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when we have a bad day. In
conclution
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conclusion
, we need other
poeople
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people
for
life
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. There are
not
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no
show examples
people
Use synonyms
could
Correct pronoun usage
who could
show examples
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
without
people
Use synonyms
beside them.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
Focus on directly addressing the essay question in both the introduction and conclusion. Present your stance more clearly to ensure a stronger argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Begin with an introductory sentence that presents the topic and your point of view, followed by paragraphs that support your stance with examples or reasons, and conclude with a summary of your argument.
Task Achievement
Improve your examples by making them more specific and relevant to your argument. Try to demonstrate how your ideas apply to the essay topic with clear, detailed examples.
General
Proofread your work to correct any grammatical errors and ensure sentence structure variety. This will improve the readability and professionalism of your essay.
Task Achievement
Expand your ideas further by explaining why being social and needing others contributes to success at work. Connect your arguments back to the main essay prompt more directly to enhance coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • selfish
  • care about others
  • success at work
  • opposing view
  • arguments
  • supporting
  • against
  • balanced view
What to do next:
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