IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes.

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In some parts of the world, in the
last
Linking Words
decade
Add a comma
decade,
show examples
 private teaching for workouts is a job
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has developed a lot.
People
Use synonyms
 use them daily. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will demonstrate the positive and the negative of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a really good development
due to
Linking Words
 the lot of beginners in every
gym
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who begin at the
gym
Use synonyms
 but do not know anything about exercise or any machines will be happy to get help.
For example
Linking Words
, a man who has a few kilos in excess and decides to start a membership at the
gym
Use synonyms
 will take a personal fitness trainer to help him to be confident and show him the right movements.
However
Linking Words
, It can be more fun and cheaper to do exercise classes. The way to learn with few
people
Use synonyms
 can motivate you to not miss any lessons and make new friends.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the time the classes are cheaper compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 private lessons.
For instance
Linking Words
, a workout with a friend will push you to the limit because you want to show the best of yourself. In conclusion, having a private trainer is really important to start a new sport, but if you want to improve on it, you need to make friends with the same interest and the sport will not be painful anymore but you will have a lot of fun. I think
people
Use synonyms
 need personal training need to be considered because you can hurt yourself by doing bad movements at the
gym
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Ensure the essay directly addresses the prompt. Your introduction should clearly state whether you believe the shift towards hiring personal trainers over group activities is positive or negative. This statement sets the direction for your discussion.
task response
Expand your essay by incorporating a more detailed analysis of the reasons behind the trend of hiring personal fitness trainers. Discussing the broader social or health implications can add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow and readability. Try to avoid repetitive sentence beginnings and aim for more sophisticated linking words beyond 'however' and 'in addition'.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly with one main idea per paragraph, supported by detailed examples or explanations. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that outlines what the paragraph will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly states your final stance on the issue. Tie back to your introduction to create a cohesive argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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