IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people focus on news in their country while others think that it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #focus #news #country
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There are argumentative perspectives sparking a debate over a
news
Use synonyms
-related issue.
While
Linking Words
 some hold a strong view that it is necessary to pay attention to several domestic
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
 in their nation, the opposite makes a statement that worldwide announcements may play a more paramount and significant role. From my perspective,
while
Linking Words
 each has its own redeeming features, it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, national
news
Use synonyms
 may act as an important source of
information
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ordinary
citizens
Use synonyms
. To be more precise, focusing on
such
Linking Words
news
Use synonyms
 promptly helps dwellers keep pace with the up-to-date essential
information
Use synonyms
 which has direct effects on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, in political events
such
Linking Words
 as the president’s election, numerous discussions and debates between potential candidates namely Donald Trump and Joe Biden should be carefully followed by residents to make a thoughtful decision
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 whom they should give their trust and vote for. By doing so, the White House and high-ranking bureaucrats can declare the reliable winner to officially lead their country to
such
Linking Words
prime time
Add a hyphen
prime-time
show examples
 epochs.
Hence
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
 should put emphasis on their ordinary domestic
news
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the redeeming feature of watching national
information
Use synonyms
 is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if inhabitants overlook the imperativeness of the
outbond
Correct your spelling
outbound
 one. Being updated frequently
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 internationally alarming problematic situations, dwellers can have a firm grasp
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global troubles
such
Linking Words
 as an economic recession, or the straining conflicts of several developed nations.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
show examples
 war between Russia and Ukraine for different unnecessary purposes should be carefully supervised not only by their
citizens
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 entire world population to promptly make appropriate supplies and prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar mistakes.
Thus
Linking Words
, absorbing cross-bordered
news
Use synonyms
brings about
Verb problem
has
show examples
 an immense impact on ordinary individuals. In conclusion, since either domestic or national
news
Use synonyms
 is crucial to some extent, worldwide
citizens
Use synonyms
 should focus on both sources of
information
Use synonyms
 to keep up with the pace of
this
Linking Words
 modern world.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is structured logically to help the reader understand and follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs, but make sure they are used appropriately and accurately.
task achievement
Expand your response to more thoroughly discuss each view and your own opinion. Provide more depth and justification for your opinions and the views presented.
task achievement
Incorporate a broader range of specific examples and evidence to support your analysis and conclusions. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Though you have attempted to provide a balanced discussion, remember to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for greater clarity.
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