IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the popularity of well-known Instagram accounts in 2011 and 2021.

The bar chart below shows the popularity of well-known Instagram accounts in 2011 and 2021.
#bar #popularity #instagram #accounts
What has been depicted in the bar chart is the popularity of five celebrities who are active on one of the social media platforms, namely,
Instegram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 from 2018 to 2021.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 in 2018,
although
 Selena Gomez had the most followers on Instagram,
this
 title was taken by Cristian
Ronaldo
at the end
.
Moreover
, Cristian had the highest number of influences,
while
 that of the Rock was the least. In 2018, It
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 Selena Who was able to grasp
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of
people
 on Instagram, which is one of the social media feeds, who were above 100
million
,
whereas
 that of the Rock was less than 100M.
In addition
, approximately 110 M of individuals sought
Ronaldo
 and Ariana Grande
while
 Kylie was a close second at around 100
million
. In 2021, about 310
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 Cristin
Ronaldo
,
although
 Selena was less
poplar
Correct your spelling
popular
show examples
 than
Ronaldo
 by nearly fifty
million
people
.
Also
, the number of individuals who followed Ariana and Kylie on Instagram
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar (250 M). And come to think of it, after
Ronaldo
, the Rock was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place and the number of
people
supported
Correct pronoun usage
who supported
show examples
 him exceeded 250
million
.
Submitted by hongminh317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ronaldo, people, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: