IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe raising the price of fuel is the greatest way to address global environmental issues. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #fuel #address
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In the modern era, environmental
problems
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 are a huge part of people's lives. It is believed by some people that raising the expenses of fossil fuel can tackle these
kins
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kinds
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 of issues
while
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 others disagree. I fully endorse the second attitude because of the negative effects on the economy and low-income families and the existence of some better solutions which I'm going to explain more about in the rest of
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
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 with, high prices of fossil fuels can negatively affect poor families.
For example
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, some individuals have old
disel
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diesel
 trucks and don't have sufficient money to buy new ones. So, expensive fuel can deteriorate their financial condition.
Therefore
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, their children and
wifes
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wives
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 can
get
Verb problem
be
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 deprived of having an appropriate education which hinders the growth of
community
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the community
a community
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.
In addition
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 to not affording things that can improve the quality of their lives, sometimes it can collapse their families and lead to depression and other mental
problems
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 for members of society.
Besides
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to
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apply
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financial
problems
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, there are other alternatives to encourage individuals to use other kinds of
cars
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 like electric ones. China,
for instance
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, decided to reduce the price of electric
cars
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 and electricity to entice society away from buying gasoline
cars
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 which led to its status as the country with the most electric
cars
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 on the road in 2023.
Hence
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, lowering the cost of electric vehicles can
can
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apply
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be an important step toward becoming carbon neutral till 2050.
Additionally
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, it can
also
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 contribute
low-income
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to low-income
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 members of
community
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the community
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to spend
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spending
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 less on transportation and
save
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saving
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 more money for other important issues.
To conclude
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, there is an ongoing controversy about whether governments should increase the price of gasoline or not. I oppose
incraesing
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increasing
 the price of gasoline because of
financial
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the financial
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problems
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 it can cause for poorer members of
community
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the community
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 and better solutions like reducing the expense of electric vehicles which are more efficient and helpful for both humans and
environment
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the environment
show examples
.
Submitted by yasinkooshki13866 on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the task. While you mentioned that raising fuel prices is not an effective solution to global environmental issues, ensure that your response fully addresses why it's not the best method and explore both sides of the argument more deeply for a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your main points by more directly linking them back to the question. Make sure that each paragraph clearly supports your argument in relation to the impact on environmental issues.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is commendable. However, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are both strong and directly relate to the topic at hand. Restate your thesis in the conclusion and briefly summarize the main points of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use specific examples to support your claims. While you mention the situation in China regarding electric cars, further details or additional examples could strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental sustainability
  • fossil fuels
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • greenhouse gases
  • emissions
  • economically viable
  • public transportation
  • energy efficiency
  • carbon taxes
  • inflationary pressures
  • alternative energy sources
  • ecosystem
  • sustainable practices
  • climate change
  • economic disparities
  • innovation in technology
  • global warming
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