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Band 7.5

many graduates want to start their first job in a big corporation. many others prefer to work for a small company first. compare and contrast their choices and express your opinion

#graduates #first #job #corporation #work #company #contrast #choices
After getting a Bachelor's degree, we all need to find
jobs
 that provide us with earnings for a living. Some believe that starting their first
jobs
 at reputed
companies
 will support their working experience in the future,
while
 others believe beginning their
jobs
 at small corporations can benefit them better than the large ones. For me, I prefer working with big
companies
. In the following paragraphs, these both views and my opinion will be outlined. Working in the high reputation
companies
, of course, will provide you with tremendous experience and
also
 a lot of
skills
 including soft
skills
such
 as communication, teamwork or creativity and hard
skills
for instance
 using computer programs or typing. As they are big
companies
, they know how to manage and distribute their work effectively and efficiently to their employers.
Moreover
, they give you a good background in your CVs or resumes. Future
companies
 which they will enrol will have confidence in them and notice that they have gained tremendous experience from the previous.
On the other hand
, beginning their first job in small corporations grants them a variety of experiences. Not just what they achieved and received from their own courses in the universities,
this
 is now very significant in the job markets as they want to hire fewer people
while
incrasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 efficiency. Workers need to finish all the given tasks and meet the deadline which some of them might get stressful as they do not have someone who can supervise them or give them advice to close their
jobs
.
Additionally
, These people will get promoted swiftly compared to the ones working in big organizations. In conclusion, I definitely select large organizations as they are more reliable and trustworthy. Despite the fact that the salary depends on the structure of the company which sometimes is quite low, I will gain a lot of
skills
 and have someone who supports me or teaches me in the first place.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effective, but try to ensure a more balanced discussion between both viewpoints before stating your preference.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments further. This will enrich your essay and make your points more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay close attention to sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences or overly complex constructions that can make your arguments hard to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've effectively included an introduction and conclusion that bookend your essay nicely, establishing your thesis and summarizing your arguments.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated a strong understanding of the task by comparing and contrasting the benefits of working for large vs. small companies and clearly expressing your personal viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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