IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents are encouraging their children to spend an increasing amount of time on tablets and screens because they think it will improve their technological skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, parents are in
favor
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favour
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 of their
children
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 spending much time online because they ponder that it can be advantageous for enhancing their technological skills. On a personal
level
Add a comma
level,
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 I reckon that the advantages of
this
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 situation outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly
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, it’s very good that in contemporary society
children
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 know how to use gadgets better than their parents and grandparents. As they maintain working on their skills, they constantly gather all the information they might need for their future
prospectivity
Correct your spelling
prospective
.
For instance
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, in modern days approximately every workplace requires certain knowledge
on
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of
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 technology,
however
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, not everyone has enough clue about all of the programs and applications. Working on your abilities,
as well as
Linking Words
 on your will in a particular realm starting from childhood is really beneficial.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, not all the data we have on the internet is useful for our self-improvement. Some of the websites can damage the psychology of youngsters and
children
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, to demonstrate, we can exemplify websites that illustrate nudity, harassment and hate speech, even sometimes cruelty. Meanwhile, devoting a lot of time
screen-on
Fix the infinitive
to screen-on
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 is
additionally
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 damaging our health, starting the most significant impact on our eyes,
as well as
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, our posture, as we slouch
while
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 we sit in front of the computers, and finishing with the radioactive rays that are spread by all the devices. In Conclusion, even though there are a vast amount of harms of
the
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apply
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technology, I assume that in practical usage of them, it is much more helpful for
children
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 and teenagers, as they grow by learning,
therefore
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 I think parents ought to motivate their
children
Use synonyms
 to use the internet but only in a benign way.

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task achievement
Provide a clear and specific thesis statement in your introduction to outline the main arguments you will be discussing. This will help in guiding the reader through your essay.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, try to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This makes your arguments more convincing and provides a clearer picture.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within that paragraph support or elaborate on that idea. This enhances the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas and points more clearly, which will improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Be critical of your examples and arguments. Always consider if you can give a more relevant, up-to-date, or personal example to strengthen your case.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Technology-driven world
  • Technological proficiency
  • Educational apps
  • Interactive software
  • Learning styles
  • Eye strain
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Social interaction
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Screen time management
  • Supervision and control
  • Exposure
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