IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently stayed in a hotel in a large city. The weather was very unusual for the time of year and the heating / cooling system in the hotel was quite inadequate. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. In your letter: give details of what went wrong explain what you had to do to overcome the problem at the time say what action you would like the manager to take

#hotel #city #weather #time #year #system #manager #action
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Dear sir, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am writing
this
 letter to express my dissatisfaction with the heating system of your hotel, which caused me a lot of trouble during my stay,
last
 week on a business trip. In order to, solve the issue, I raised my concerns to the reception desk, but, they were unable to solve it.
Therefore
, I had to ask for two extra blankets from the
house-keeping
Correct your spelling
housekeeping
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 to keep me safe from freezing cold. Even after doing
this
 much I barely slept
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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night, because of, the
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
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 cold weather conditions. Owing to
this
, I fell ill and I had to leave my business trip in between. I would like to use
this
 opportunity to request you that kindly get the heating system checked thoroughly
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so that no one
face
Change the verb form
faces
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 the problems that I faced. I hope
this
 information is adequate for you to act upon. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jatinder
Submitted by mrsdns on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific details about what went wrong with the heating system, such as whether it failed to turn on or didn't provide enough warmth.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea more clearly to enhance the coherence of the letter.
coherence and cohesion
Try organizing the letter into more distinct sections (introduction, problem, solution, recommendation) to improve logical structure.
task achievement
The letter maintains a polite and formal tone suitable for writing to a hotel manager, which demonstrates an understanding of the audience and purpose.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing of the letter are in accordance with the formal tone, starting with an appropriate greeting and ending with a proper closing phrase.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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