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Band 6

In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#pleces #age #cultures #youth
old age is considered
value
Replace the word
valuable
show examples
 in some places,
while
 others believe that
youth
 is more essential.
This
 writer content that old
people
 are experienced and wise so they can operate the
society
 and the young are ambitious to develop the culture, because of that, the young could continue the role of the old and maintain the community. It must be acknowledged that old
people
 have experienced many events in history so they are wise. Since they know a lot of problems in the past very well, they could come up with a solution to protect the balance of
society
 and teach youngsters. In many countries, especially the UK where the city hall staff and high-position roles in politics are usually old
people
 who contribute 79% of all of these occupations.
However
,
youth
 would be the
people
 who develop
society
 with ideas and dreams. As the
youth
 could approach more information and better education than the old used to have in the past, they would be the future of the world
while
 taking up old
people
's role and modernising facilities.
According to
 the Economic Global Organization, about 63% of new companies and 72% of new products are developed by young
people
. In conclusion, with
wise
Replace the word
wisdom
show examples
 and experience, old ages could operate
society
 but the young could take up these roles as they could approach more knowledge and higher education,
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 they will develop technology and become the base for the future of the world.
Thus
,
youth
 have higher potential than old age since they benefit a lot from the modern age.

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task response
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide readers through your essay effectively.
task response
Develop your ideas more fully in body paragraphs with a mix of general statements and specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single main idea, to enhance cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Make use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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