IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Nowadays, the average age of citizens is a matter of debate. In
this
 regard, the scientific inquiry illustrates that
this
number
 has become lower in some countries which means, the
number
 of young
people
 has experienced a sharp growth compared with the
number
 of olds. The advantages and disadvantages of
this
 situation will be discussed in
this
 essay alongside my own stance. Primarily, it is true that younger adults can help to progress of the society more than older
people
. It means that, by increasing the
number
 of adults, the
number
 of worker candidates is increased as well, because of which, companies can choose an expert one,
consequently
, both companies and countries are developed.
Secondly
, it is an undeniable fact that society’s requirements and
people
’s perspectives changed over time.
As a consequence
, young
people
 can bring new schools of thought in various spheres without which the development is unattainable.
Conversely
, it is an undeniable fact that by increasing the amount of the younger generation, the
number
 of jobs should be increased. In
this
 regard, governance has to soar the
number
 of their employees or create new jobs.
Moreover
, the pace of cultural development has been very high in recent decades, thanks to the internet.
Likewise
, maybe it is hard for older
people
 to adapt themselves to it.
For instance
, a 60 years old
people
 have many problems with using social media or understanding new changes in the daily routine of young
people
, In conclusion, concerning what has been discussed above, from my perspective, the benefits of
this
 situation far outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by abolfazlmgr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each part should fulfill its purpose: introducing the topic, presenting arguments, and summarizing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more clearly by expanding on them with more detailed examples and explanations. The connections between your ideas should be made explicit to guide the reader smoothly through your argument.
task response
Address the prompt directly by stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in your introduction and conclusion. Make sure to present a balanced view before giving your opinion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. These can be hypothetical scenarios, real-life experiences, or references to studies, but they should directly relate to your argument and help illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: