IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Task 2: People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #quality #life #centuries
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One school of thought holds that the 21st century has many challenges which may prevent human beings from attaining standard
life
Use synonyms
 with conveniences.
While
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 acknowledging the reasons behind
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 sentiments, I would argue that people in
this
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 century are living with a better quality of
life
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 than at any time in the past. Admittedly, it is understandable why there is a belief that
life
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’s standards of
this
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 century are not good or even worse than previous centuries. The key rationale can be referred to as the environmental status which is deteriorated by many factors. Specifically, a polluted atmosphere can cause health issues involving respiratory diseases,
while
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 contaminated water sources increase the possibility of getting dermatological ones. When the former is contributed by the pollutants from cars or bikes, there are
also
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 transportation reported to be one of the most serious factors in mortality rates. ​Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that contemporary
life
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 is better than ever before.
This
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 is
due to
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 medical breakthroughs with novel therapies in treatments even the most hopeless diseases. Recently,
for example
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, a Chinese man having liver cancer was rescued from the verge of death by transplanting a pig’s liver which modified some of its genes.
Additionally
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, the government enforces strict regulations to preserve the environment
besides
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 encouraging to use of environment-friendly products
such
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 as automatic electric cars furnished with self-driving systems. These innovative cars help to not only minimize traffic accidental rates but
also
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 speedy and convenient movements as they are capable of recognizing and avoiding objections. The innovation can be observed in technology when robots do housework and the Internet,
while
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 people spend time expanding their social cycle by making friends from all parts of the world without geographic limitations. ​In conclusion,
although
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 there are still inextricable matters existing,
although
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 there are still inextricable matters existing in
this
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 era that cause people’s unease, I agree that quality of
life
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 has been upgraded in many aspects.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

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task achievement
To further enhance the task achievement, try to provide more balanced arguments by expanding on the points against the notion and offering counterexamples.
task achievement
To improve the clarity and comprehension of ideas, ensure that all points are fully developed. Some ideas in the second body paragraph could benefit from additional explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on using clearer topic sentences and transitions between points. The essay could flow more smoothly with better signposting phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the liver transplant case, which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical, well-structured arguments that are easy to follow and understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Economic growth
  • Social changes
  • Global connectivity
  • Standard of living
  • Life expectancy
  • Gender equality
  • Legal rights
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Access to information
  • Environmental concerns
  • Sustainable development
  • Stress levels
  • Quality of life
  • Medical progress
  • Job opportunities
  • Income disparity
  • Life satisfaction
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