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Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

#professionals #doctors #teachers #countries #work #situation
Unfortunately
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Unfortunately,
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 there are a lot of qualified
people
 with important professions
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are keen to leave their hometown
that is
 filled with poverty and is not able to pay the deserved money to doctors or professors.
This
 causes them to leave their native land and work in a foreign country.
For instance
, as we know, nowadays most
people
 are going to work abroad just because they are not paid enough , and they get offers with
big
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a big
the big
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 amount of salary.As much as they love their homeland , because of financial
problems
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problems,
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 they have to move and live in another country. Despite the fact that of
course
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course,
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 each person wants to help
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
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 own country to develop but in some
cases
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cases,
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 you must make a step which you don’t want to.
This
 step damages
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 health and studies problems , and
secondly
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secondly,
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people
’s psychology because you leave your own hometown where you
have
Verb problem
were
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 born and your family
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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.
Consequently
,
for
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in
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 my personal opinion,
i
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I
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 think that the government has to pay more money to qualified
people
 and has to provide them with residence,
additionally
 a good place of work and with relevant conditions of living.
On the other hand
, if the government’s economy was good it would pay their
people
 enough.
As a result
, in my
decision
Add a comma
decision,
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people
 have to help their poor countries develop, by working there with a little salary because money isn’t
he
Correct your spelling
the
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 main thing.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, there are many
people
 who are working without any earnings.
Submitted by muradismailbayli on

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Structure and Organization
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Lexical Resource
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Supporting Examples
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with specific examples to support your points. Adding detailed examples will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy. Review and practice using complex sentences accurately, and watch out for subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage.
Task Response
To fully address the task, ensure that you discuss both sides of the issue where applicable, and offer solutions with clear examples. Expanding on each point with more details can enhance your task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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