IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. some people think that it is good for the word of sports, while others think it has disadvantages, too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #word
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It is true that a high percentage of companies tend to have advertisements in
sports
 venues or events,
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 phenomenon could bring both positive and negative impacts on the importance of
sports
;
however
, I believe that the benefits of
this
 act outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, some products or services which are advertised might be disqualified.
As a result
, spectators who have trusted these advertisements and purchased them become pessimistic about
this
 sport, even their athletes and their leaders.
Furthermore
, some people cannot stand seeing advertisements
while
 they are watching their favourite
sports
 and matches, and they prefer to only focus on the act of athletics.
On the other hand
, one of the efficient and fruitful ways to achieve extra funds and budget for
sports
 clubs is advertising.
Due to
 the fact that having advertising in
sports
 venues often is expensive and brings extra income for clubs and their athletes. So, these
sports
 clubs or teams have wholesome opportunities to improve their equipment and facilities,
also
 boost their sporters ‘s salaries and highly create a sense of job satisfaction among them.
For example
, the Real Madrid football team equipped its club with high-tech facilities with the budget that they have earned in advertising ways.
To conclude
, there are logical points on both sides;
however
, from my point of view, if a
sports
 team or club agrees to advertise some companies, it would bring huge profits for the world of
sports
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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General
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your opinion clearly. Each body paragraph should present a separate view or argument with relevant examples. The conclusion should summarise your arguments and state your final opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using a range of cohesive devices (e.g., firstly, however, in addition) and paragraphing effectively. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more detailed information and exploring the implications or results further. This will strengthen your argument and task achievement score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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