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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts provide information about the
weight
Use synonyms
 investigation, which
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 categorized
in
Change preposition
into
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 four types of
weight
Use synonyms
 measurement in Charlestown.
This
Linking Words
 was
also
Linking Words
 evaluated in different age ranges in 1995 and 2015. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the youth had fitting
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 in both years,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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this
Linking Words
 was not the same for the elderly. To put it differently, an ideal
weight
Use synonyms
 did not include more old people.
To begin
Linking Words
, what stands out from the bar chart in 1995,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 populated part of each aged interval was composed of ideal
weight
Use synonyms
, in which the significant part belonged to 20-29. In comparison with overweight,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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slimness is ranked second in the following.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with other ages, elderly locals were slim. In terms of the most remarkable part of the bar chart in 2015, averagely the highest type’s percentage of
weight
Use synonyms
 was fitting, which consisted of the 20-29
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
 range
as well as
Linking Words
 the same for 1995.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the lowest of the same type was composed
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 elderly individuals.
In addition
Linking Words
, the outstanding point is that the tendency to obesity
was
Verb problem
has
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increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 as long as
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in comparison with 1995, it skyrocketed.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words weight with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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