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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 to 2007.

The graph below shows the number of overseas visitors to three different areas in a European country between 1987 to 2007.
#visitors #three #areas #european #country
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The
shown
Verb problem
apply
show examples
line chart demonstrates the amount of
visitors
Use synonyms
 from various countries
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
three different spots in a European nation in the time period of 1987 to 2007. The three different spots are the coast, mountains and lakes visited by thousands of
visitors
Use synonyms
 during the 20 years of
timeline
Add an article
the timeline
a timeline
show examples
 .
Most
Correct article usage
The most
show examples
 favourable visited area by tourists from 1987 to 2007 is the coast and the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 40,000 is the highest visited
place
Use synonyms
 in 1987. There is a decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tourists visiting the coast from 1987 to 1992 and a constant increase in the number
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 from 1992 to 2007 which is nearly 75,000
people
Use synonyms
. The lakes
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the least visited
place
Use synonyms
 than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two in 1987 with a sudden
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 to 2002 and became the highest visited
place
Use synonyms
 in
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 year. But the amount of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting the lakes
drop down
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 between 2002 to 2007. The mountains
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the second highest visited area in 1987 and with a slow rise in
people
Use synonyms
 visiting
this
Linking Words
 spot
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
became the lowest visited
place
Use synonyms
 in 2007 with a total increase in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from 20,000 to nearly 35,000.
Submitted by akshayashvi07 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add some linking words.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, place, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas visitors
  • number of
  • areas
  • European country
  • between
  • 1987 and 2000
  • graph
  • introduce
  • overview
  • trends
  • describe
  • analyze
  • compare and contrast
  • summarize
  • main findings
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