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Band 5

Some people argue the government should support the funds for arts, while others suggest the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #support #funds #arts #money #health #education
Some people believe that the government should shoulder the responsibility of providing economic support for the arts.
On the contrary
, opponents suggest that healthcare and education should be given priority
instead
.There seem to be valid reasons on both sides of the argument. On the one hand,advocates insist that the state ought to invest in aesthetic industries since they can bring economic benefits.To be specific,these fields,
such
 as fashion design,
art
 education,
art
 auction, graphic design,conventional painting and so on,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 can contribute to employment and alleviate the unemployment rate.What’s more,people
also
 believe that various and unique
art
 forms could be regarded as symbols of a nation’s culture,especially traditional ones.
For example
,calligraphy is regarded as one of Chinese representatives,it can help citizens build a sense of cultural and national identity,
accordingly
Correct word choice
and accordingly
show examples
,it will significantly promote social cohesion.
On the other hand
,opponents stress that we should sacrifice arts,a luxury enjoyment,in exchange
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 practical benefits that citizens can enjoy.By way of illustration,individuals will need to spend a lot of money without medical insurance
due to
 the lack of medical resources and professionals.
Thus
 the administration should increase the healthcare budget and increase access to general practitioners and mental healthcare, making sure the National Health Service works on a 7-day basis.Apart from that,education is
also
 a vital aspect.
For instance
,the government need to increase the provision of free childcare,build more colleges and universities and improve access to tertiary learning since adolescent is related to their country’s future. Both two views seem to be reasonable,and I would say that in the case of developing countries,they should pay more attention to key areas relating to residents’ well-being
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since their public finances are not sufficient and infrastructure needs improvement as well.For those developed countries,they need to catch the importance of
art
 and cultural soft power which can be greatly important in international competitions.
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Introduction Clarity
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic of the essay and outlines your position or intentions for the discussion. This sets up a clear structure for the reader to follow.
Linking Words
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can help to improve the coherence of your essay.
Conclusion Clarity
Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points discussed and clearly expresses your own viewpoint, offering a reflective closing to your essay.
Argument Clarity & Support
Present clear and distinct arguments for each viewpoint, followed by relevant examples or evidence to support your discussion. This strengthens the task achievement of your essay.
Comprehensive Response
Focus on developing comprehensive responses that address all parts of the task prompt. Make sure your own opinion is distinct and supported by logical reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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