IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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It is true that the
government
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 spends a large amount of
money
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 not only on public
services
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 but
also
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 on the
arts
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.
Although
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 spending
money
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 on public
services
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 is important, I believe that it is
also
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 worth it for the
government
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 to invest in the
arts
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. There are some reasons why the
government
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 budget should be spent on public service. The first reason is that public
services
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 contain hospitals, roads, and schools which decide the living quantities of most people.
For example
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, the public’s health conditions will decline, if the
government
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 do not spend enough
money
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 on hospitals.
Furthermore
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, schools can not provide suitable learning courses to our children, if the
government
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 invest less in educational institutions.
Otherwise
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, the poor will suffer from bigger negative effects as they are more likely to rely on these
services
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.
However
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,
this
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 does not mean that the
arts
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 should be totally ignored. many art institutions generate hardly much profit. Lots of theatres and other similar places may close their doors unless the
government
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 supports them.
Also
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, the
arts
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 have a positive influence on our living quantities.
For instance
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, most people really enjoy going to the theatre and watching drama performances, which can create some high-quality me time for them. The
government
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 have a responsibility to provide help to these institutions so that they can still bring the public fun. In conclusion, my view is that investing in the
arts
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 is not a waste of
money
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 as
this
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 provides many benefits, and we should spend a large amount of investment going into public
services
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 as
this
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 affects the quality of life for most people. ( for nearly all of us)

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay includes a clear introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance logical structure. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task. This includes providing a balanced discussion if the prompt asks for it, and a direct answer to the question posed.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs and within them. Use transitional phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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