In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Dicuss both view and give your opinion.
In some cultures, people who are
adulthood
Replace the word
adults
is
valued by culture. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
However
, from my perspective, Linking Words
youth
should be a priority in a number of specific Use synonyms
field
. Change to a plural noun
fields
This
essay will discuss both views and give the opinion of the writer.
It should be acknowledged that the young affect profoundly on nowadays culture Linking Words
due to
their creativity and vitality. Being affected by technology and new thinking from an early age, young adults equip Linking Words
for
themselves Change preposition
apply
an
open-minded brain in aspects of their Change preposition
with an
Use synonyms
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Moreover
, in their Linking Words
youth
, chemistry is produced to strengthen their brains and muscle, which Use synonyms
help
them to come up with new ideas and take action Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
into
them. Change preposition
on
As a consequence
, society Linking Words
develop
through new ideas and it can Change the verb form
develops
also
turn into a breakthrough in humans.
Linking Words
However
, aged Linking Words
life
should Use synonyms
also
be considered Linking Words
due to
the fact of their maturity. Living Linking Words
in
Change preposition
at
the
age that Correct article usage
an
have
experienced numerous events Change the verb form
has
occurred
both in their Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
life
and Use synonyms
on
the world, elderly people can provide Change preposition
in
to
society Change preposition
apply
decisions
which was summarized by experience. Change preposition
with decisions
As a result
, a number of breakthroughs or ideas were completely safely done. Linking Words
Therefore
, a combination Linking Words
between
aged Change preposition
of
life
and Use synonyms
youth
should Use synonyms
be happened
to have Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
further
breakthroughs.
Linking Words
Although
both younger and elderly bring advantages to society, inexperienced adults have more Linking Words
chance
to use their creativity and strength than older people. Fix the agreement mistake
chances
Furthermore
, younger can rely on their responsibility to make Linking Words
risk
choices and may make breakthroughs.
In conclusion, Replace the word
risky
although
I acknowledge the elderly should be respected Linking Words
due to
their vast amount of knowledge, I would say that the potential of the Linking Words
youth
Use synonyms
in
social terms and their responsible future.Add a missing verb
is in
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coherence cohesion
Your essay begins to address the prompt, but it could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better outline the main points and their relevance to the question.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is supported by specific examples or explanations. Currently, your arguments sometimes lack the detailed evidence needed to fully convince the reader. Referencing studies, statistics, or real-life scenarios can strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, in your introduction, make sure to clearly state your thesis or main argument. In the conclusion, ensure to recap the main points discussed and reinforce your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Try to maintain a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using contractions or informal language, as this can undermine the formality of your academic writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.