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Writing Samples
Band 6

Animals are in danger of extinxion. Some people say that we should protected only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree?

#animals #danger #extinxion #people #humans
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Some
species
Use synonyms
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 are in threat of extinction. Some individuals consider that humans should reserve only beneficial
animals
Use synonyms
 ,I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view and I believe both domestic and wild
animals
Use synonyms
 should be protected. The main source of food and nutrition for humans often are provided through domestic
animals
Use synonyms
such
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 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cows, sheep ,and chickens.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 fact and reason, some
people
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, who are often uneducated and uninformed think they have to only protect
this
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 type of
animals
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 , so they have no duty to take care of other creatures.
Moreover
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,
this
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 group of
people
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 are of the opinion that the protection of wildlife
animals
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 and rare
species
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 is money and time-consuming.
Linking Words
While each
Correct word choice
Each
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 type of animal has a direct or indirect impact on human life and the environment. In order to prevent distraction in the nature cycle
people
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 should be careful when they will come to the intact jungles or far-distant areas.
For example
Linking Words
, if traveller will camp in some natural places, should avoid throwing away their litter and garbage.
Due to
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 the fact that some trash becomes infectious in the environment and leads to disease when some
animals
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 eat these,
also
Linking Words
 sometimes some of
rubbish
Add an article
the rubbish
show examples
 like canes may harm their bodies. If these events happen for rare and endangered
species
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, these will have irritable effects.
For example
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, mice are necessary to do medical tests and scientific research if
people
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 in some ways lead to damage and extinction
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, scientists will face vital issues during their experiments. In conclusion, I fully support the view that all
people
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 are responsible for the protection of all
species
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 of
animals
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, both domestic and wild
animals
Use synonyms
.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that introduction and conclusion clearly define your stance and summarize your argument succinctly. Current articulation is present but could be sharper for impact.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking phrases and topic sentences to begin your paragraphs, to guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate your main arguments more distinctly. Each paragraph should start with a clear main idea, followed by explanations or illustrations relating to your viewpoint.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed examples to give weight to your arguments. Consider using statistics, studies, or historical examples related to the conservation of different species, to strengthen your position.
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