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Band 4.5

Some people think that qualities of person needs to become a successful in today's world cannot be learn at university or similar academy institution to what action do you agree or disagree?

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In today's world, a
person
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 needs to learn all
kind
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kinds
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 of
skills
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 and techniques to
leave
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live
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 a successful life. Some people
believes
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believe
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 that
,
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apply
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modern
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the modern
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 education system is quite unsuitable for
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person
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a person
the person
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 to become
wise
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a wise
the wise
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person
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 in
these competitive era
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this competitive era
these competitive eras
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. Here,
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to at
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at
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a
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 major extent, I
am agree
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agree
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 with that belief. In
further
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 paragraphs, I will mention some of the reasons for my decision. A good reason to support the belief that schools, colleges ,universities and
different
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apply
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other institutions are not sufficient for an individual to live a successful life is that
,
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apply
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 today's education system
are
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is
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 not providing practical
knowledge
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. To elaborate, people can only learn simple and complex topics
as well as
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 concepts from their books. With
this
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, they can clear some of their doubts related to their work.
However
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, when they
tries
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try
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 to keep their
knowledge
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into
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in
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 the practical form several new
task
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tasks
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 and difficulties can be faced by them. Some of them can be totally out of the syllabus.
Such
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 as,
carring
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carrying
 out different solutions for different critical situations, managing time, and many more. Another reason worth mentioning is that
,
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apply
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 educational departments are not providing general and some significant
skills
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 and qualities to students. Explaining it
in other words
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, in schools and universities learners can only learn about their work fields
such
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 as maintaining accounts, engineering and others.
While
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, they cannot learn how to deal with their competitors, talking
skills
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, patients and so on. Which creates a huge impact on human behaviour. These all
skills
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 are compulsory
a
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apply
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to become a successful
person
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.
For example
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, Sachin
tendulkar
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Tendulkar
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 and Dhirubhai
ambani
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Ambani
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.
On the other hand
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 educational
institution
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institutions
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plays
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play
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an
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a
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 vital role in
fulfiling
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fulfilling
 people's
goal
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goals
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. To be more precise, books can teach various impactful things which can
wear
Verb problem
be
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 useful to
person
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 to perform their work. Only general
skills
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 and techniques are not sufficient to achieve
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person's
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a person's
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 goals. Without having good scores in
examination
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examinations
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person
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 can face failure
instead
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 of their goals. In conclusion, having only educational
knowledge
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 or having only general
skills
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, qualities and
knowledge
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 are not enough to become a successful
person
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.
However
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, gaining some mental physical and general
informations
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information
pieces of information
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are
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is
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 very helpful for a
person
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 to gay in
a
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apply
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huge success in their life which
are
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is
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 not provided in any of the educational
institution
Change to a plural noun
institutions
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic. In the body paragraphs, develop your argument with relevant examples and explanations. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position strongly.
coherence cohesion
Work on your essay's logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
task achievement
In writing task 2, it's essential to provide relevant examples to support your argument. Try to include specific, detailed examples that clearly illustrate your points. This not only strengthens your argument but also demonstrates your ability to apply your thoughts to real-world scenarios.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage. Varied sentence structures and precise word choice can greatly enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Avoid repetition and strive for conciseness where appropriate.
general
To improve your score, focus on developing a more structured and cohesive essay. Begin by planning your essay carefully, outlining your main points before you start writing. This will help you to maintain focus and coherence throughout your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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